not zen

Perhaps I should have stuck with that plan to go to meditation once a week and to start a daily practice.

I am not feeling zen-like at all... not even close. And the evil thoughts that simmer barely below the surface have been leaking out in a dangerous fashion.

I used to blame the caffeine ... but it wasn't a once in a while thing anymore, until I cut myself off again a few days ago... holy headache! As the pilots might say, maybe it wasn't the right day to stop drinking coffee.

I can give myself the tiniest pat on the back for not jumping off the cliff on Monday. Tired, frustrated, feeling unaccomplished, with a stomach ache and not having eaten more than 500 calories, I sat down to work.

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, so I said to myself, it's okay, you can cry. Mind you, I was in sb, so I didn't actually say it aloud. I haven't gone that deep off the end, yet. I took out my lovely RED journal and wrote it in the book in RED ink.
...
It's days like this that make me want to ... well, apparently it's going around as Heather's post from Monday (that I just had the courage to read) will attest. All that, and Mercury is direct again, go figure. Wonder what would have happened if I felt like this when Mercury was retrograde, better not to think about it.
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If it weren't so cold today, I would wear my red shoes, they might make me feel better.

Who am I kidding? Knocking out more work and some drafts and ONE more finished thing will make me feel better... getting right back on that ... as soon as I eat breakfast.

photo credit: me, with the computer guy's fancy camera, last June outside my door... these are the treasures I pick up on my walks. With these, you might be able to build your own Frankenstein, or maybe if I pick them up, they won't puncture your tire.