Sunday, March 28, 2010

CL 3-1 Good Guys Win

So, a couple of days ago, when I should have been writing a paper, I decided to send a message in a bottle.

Let me preface this by saying that I am not inclined to online dating; however, I made this bet with a friend, more of a pact, that we would both have two dates by May 15...the end of the semester. Well, back in January, it seemed like an easy pact to make. Right? How hard could it be, in five months to get two dates?

Well, having not really tried for a while, I didn't anticipate what I would need to do in order to make this happen. First of all, you need to meet people, which is pretty hard to do when all you do is READ.

So, here we are, almost April ... and really there is only one man I would like to date, and I haven't actually met him. Way back in June when I came here to look for an apartment, I took a little rest at the Sbucks. When I got there, I saw a man, probably my age or a little older, who was hotter than hell. I thought, well, I could date that man!

I had to run away to a meeting with a prof; and let's be honest, I wasn't really planning to introduce myself. I mean, I am a chicken shit. I will admit that.

In any case, months have gone by, and I think I might have spied him at a bar sometime back in December, but I wasn't really sure it was him. And in all the times I have been back to Starbucks, nothing.

I thought, well, the issue here isn't necessarily the man of my dreams, right? It's just the dates. I just need TWO dates. All of the same issues remained the same. I decided that I might need help getting the dates. So, I took a look at two sites match(dot)com and ok cupid (ok... I don't want people searching for those two sites and coming here, I already get enough crazy hits for that ridiculous penguin movie). I am not really sure what could possibly creep me out more.

Really, creepy mccreepy. And I got farther this time than any other time I have tried to look ... I winked; I got some winks back, but jeez, creepy.

Then, last week, I went to Sbucks on a Tuesday morning to get my FREE pastry, EARLY and there he was. I looked, but he didn't look, at least not while I was looking. And, honestly, there really wasn't any reason for me to talk to him; not to mention the fact that I had, literally, just rolled out of bed in order to make it in time for the free pastry. So, even if there were a good opportunity, I was not talking to him looking like that.

I returned early on Thursday partly because I was interested in seeing if he would be there, and partly because I needed to get some reading and writing done and for some reason, Sbucks works for me. So, I dressed a little better, washed my hair, and rolled in there EARLY and there he was. This time with two sons.

He seemed to have plans because the three of them left pretty quickly... so, again, no chance to talk to him. But, chicken shit attitude still prevailed more than lack of opportunity.

That night, I got to thinking about wasting opportunities and all, and decided to post something about it on CL in the missed connections section. I truly felt like it would be a message in a bottle. You know the kind that never gets found and therefore whose contents go unread forever.

Ok...if we are very honest, we will see that this was really not that big of a step forward, in terms of not being chicken shit that is; in fact, it might have been a lateral move. But, honestly, it was the only step I could take at that moment, and it was a step.

I went to sleep thinking, this is one step closer to saying HI the next time I see him.

I woke up the next morning with the nicest note from someone encouraging me to go ahead and say hi. Reminding me that there was really nothing to lose. I wrote the encourager back to thank him for taking the time to support me. He even offered that I had a great opening line ... to tell the hot man about seeing him last June.

I was just beginning to feel like it wasn't stalkerish to tell this hot man that I had seen him so long ago ...

Then I got a message from a creepy mccreepy who wondered how I knew that this man wasn't married, with a follow up question about whether or not I cared if he were married.

I figured 1 creepy to 1 nice guy was still a great ratio considering all the creepy shit I have seen all over the internet.

The next day I got another encouraging email and today another.

So, nice guys WIN! 3-1 and none of these guys are hitting on me at all ... just encouraging me to make the effort. I like it when the good guys win!

Wish me luck, I am hoping that this week I might see him again ... it may not turn out the way I would like, but it will still be a victory to take the step.

UPDATE: I got another encouraging email after the three; and then yesterday (4/5) I got one from the guy ... the craziness will be explained at a later date.

Saturday, March 27, 2010


Why is it faster to cross the street jay walking on some streets? Oh and this is particularly true the farther you are from the corner.

If regret is such a useless emotion why does it get so much of my energy??

What not to do when you are homesick:
Buy strawberries from grocery store just because they are from your hometown!! Especially if they are on sale. I thought to myself at the checkout stand, I never buy strawberries at the grocery store at home. It should have been a huge red flag waving violently in front if me, alas.

What to do when you are homesick: walk in the wind letting it push you along. Remember those days when you used to lay down in the front yard with your best pal/neighbor-siblings to watch the fast moving clouds roll by while morphing into different shapes. Just like a silent movie!!

Tuesday, March 09, 2010


Updates included

Not exactly the right word because it feels equally angry and sad.

I was already angry when I read the article (blogging in the iPod so I can't attach it right now) this morning. I ranted on fb and set out to get some work done. Not exactly the article I read this morning, but close enough.

Then I picked up the student newspaper to read that a professor and his friend were murdered by the friend's ex-boyfriend. Sad enough -- tragic really as one student remarked, we don't have an excess of Chicano professors to be sacrificing then on the altar of domestic abuse. But really this is just a continuation of the previous outrage.

Why is the safety of women not important? Why are women's lives not valued? Better not to even ask about the value of children's lives because we know the answer to that: they are merely possesions to be done with what you will. Apparently women are too.

I am afraid to embark on the study to compare sentences for men who are violent with women with those who steal cars or other possessions.

And, no, I don't believe in the legality or usefulness of Megan's and other victim-named laws. These are end runs around the issue. We know that sexual predators will attack again and likely increase their brutality and leathality (probably not a word - so blame it on the outrage or the headache or the heart ache - your choice). Yes, we know and we still lightly sentence them and let them out to find more victims.

Jaycee Dugard. There should be no more need for words than her name.

Thank the universe that she somehow survived. And do right by her and all the other victims who no longer have a voice. Use your sentencing powers to do with sexual predators what you have been doing with drug offenders for years.

Just do it. Do the right thing.

They are angry tears, the kind that hurt whether you hold them in or let then flow.

Monday, March 08, 2010

things I am missing just now

fresh fish (sushi, ceviche, sashimi)
hugs from my friends
connection -- deep, knowing, easy

but I will feel better tomorrow...