When I step back and view myself through the lens of other people's reactions to me, I am frequently confused, disappointed and frustrated.
In the last few months, I have questioned myself to the nth degree... wondering if my inability to articulate what I want and how I want to live is emblematic of the fact that I am completely out of touch with who I am and who I project.
Is it that I am talking nonsense?
Is it that I am so unaware of what I really want that I am unable to deal with it when it comes knocking at my door?
Am I so one-dimensional that I can only send out the fixer/doer vibe enabling those around me to become baby birds?
My concern is that if I don't see it, yet these are the reactions that I live, how can I stop sending out those signals? How can I stop calling that out in others? How can I send the vibe that I want relationships based on mutual respect and responsibility?
I mean, I am no more in control/on top of my game than anyone else; and it gets very difficult to have to be "on" all the time. Especially trying when I am not sure that I can help anyone, really. It sounds good, but it might only be window dressing.
These are thoughts that wake me up in the middle of the night.
What You Seek
14 hours ago