Home... then and now...

CLARIFICATION: started July 2010 and finished March 2011

"I woke on the train to the sun rising over northern Arizona. The sky was pale blue with a splash of red on the horizon. The sky is immense with a few clouds now covering the sun like a thin blanket." 7-13-10 from the journal

For as long as I can remember "home" lived in my heart as a landscape: tall mountains that look like either sleeping brown or green dinosaurs across from the ocean. On a clear day as you faced the ocean it might look like you could walk across to the islands... or visit the baby dinos however you conceived of them.

The memory of the soul landscape is variably brought back to me by the feel of the ocean breeze or the warm east winds or the smell of rain or eucalyptus trees.

I never developed a homey feeling for the landscapes of NJ. Instead I dreaded winter when I saw the leaves turn or felt betrayed by the bright winter sun that brought frigid temperatures.

Sure there were moments of appreciation like those spring mornings when it seemed the magic elves had been working so hard to make the flowers bloom overnight; or the incomparable joy of a real blanket of snow, the kind you can make snow polar bears with.But it was here and there and far and few between. And walking out into the smoggy air at LAX could bring a tear to my eye out of nostalgia not pollution.

Given that experience, I never expected to develop a true appreciation for Oakland's soggy, foggy days, or an affection for a cemetery with views of two bridges. But I did. There is something about these sights, and others that scream, "home!" to me.

Likewise I didn't think that I could come to love the desert oasis that is New Mexico. Albuquerque might be nothing more than another sprawling city but it has truly gorgeous skies that bespeak the magic (enchantment, if you like) of the place.

So when I woke on that train trip to see the beginnings of those skies against the mountains, I knew I was almost home again.

Maybe home is where the heart is, and maybe it is just where the turtle is. For me, though, home is where the landscape speaks to my soul.