Strength - part two

A while back I wrote about the strength I was needing ... My cousin was in the hospital and ultimately died - the whole scene made me twist and turn inside and being away from my family made it all the more difficult to reconcile all the moving parts in my head.

Just when I was beginning to feel that an even keel would be possible again, I got news that another cousin was very ill. As I write he is having triple bypass surgery. I am doing my best to only think good and postive and healthy thoughts. But the year he's had makes want to find out who's in charge and ask for an explanation.

Of course, coiling through all of this is the sense of loneliness that comes with not having a god to turn to. Pretty sure I wrote about this before. But it did come up again with no real resolution.

I was hoping for happier thoughts today. But I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I am ready for some days off - if only that were truly possible. Five more papers in the next two and a half weeks. I need more strength and less disillusionment.

One bright note: I just found out that my cousin gave life to four women ... Her heart, liver and kidneys are giving a second chance on life to some folks.

Blessings to all.