observing, recounting and complaining

I am wondering, to myself at this point, if I need to think seriously about how I tell things -- that is the observing and recounting part of the title.

This weekend, I spent two days in Oakland with my found family -- heaven... except one part... all they heard me say they heard as complaint.

I admit that much of the first night was complaint - however, I will give the disclaimer that if you ask someone how it is going, you ought to be prepared to LISTEN to the answer however it comes out.

Some of my friends think that the most important thing they can do is SOLVE IT. So, I maintain that they are listening for things to SOLVE rather than just listening. I can name that phenomenon because I am a FIXER as well. I often hear my friends with an ear to what needs to be fixed - and because I employ the role of fixer a fair amount, I often get information from said friends as problems to be fixed.

It's an issue when you can't tell the difference.

I am willing to take responsibility for the way in which information is delivered.

I can acknowledge that I have been in a pretty bad space emotionally for several weeks -- with the death of my cousin really only compounding some of the angst I was already feeling. So it is more than possible that all I said came out in RANT and/or complaint mode.

That said, I thought I had at least some friends who could hear rant and let it just be that -- not that it would then turn into "every time I hear Anna's voice it sounds like complaint."

I am a firm believer in being open minded (though I reserve the right to make judgements, I also reserve the right to change them with the wind) and to give all people, but especially those who I love and know well, the benefit of the doubt.

Feeling a little like I wasn't getting the benefit of the doubt from some folks... not comfortable.

But, since I can only control my reactions and actions, I am trying to resolve to measure my words and tone more -- with everyone. For my own good...and for the good of the universe.

However, I feel sad about not having a place or person to go to where I can get the benefit of the doubt... apparently there really isn't anyone who KNOWS me.

HMMMM.... that's a post for another day, though.