Friday, May 23, 2014

Grief is ...

Grief is
much more than just crying 
and feeling sad.

It is anger
and sleeplessness
and hunger
and nausea
and loneliness
and anger.
It makes you numb
and prickly
all at the same time.

Sometimes you can't remember
anything but the aching loss
in your life, 
in your soul.
Sometimes the favorite memory
makes you laugh and smile
and sometimes it makes you
cry and cry.

It is shaking your fist at the sky
and crawling into the fetal position
and digging into the ground on your knees.
It is doing something you never tried before,
and hiding in a dark room,
and worrying when you will hit by lightning
or a bus or a car or if the big one will hit.

It makes you realize you need to live 
and it makes you feel like dying.

Sometimes all at once.
Grief is not just crying 
and feeling sad.

It is bigger, deeper, wider, taller, 
and more confusing
and frustrating.

And there is no way around it.
You won't find an answer
at the bottom of a bottle,
in cookies, cakes or pies,
in someone else's arms,
or by causing yourself harm.

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