and then there are comfort music and movies.
I have been indulging in just about all of it.
One surprisingly comforting habit is watching soap operas.
I can't really explain it except to say that growing up there wasn't a time that our family life didn't include my mom's "stories" and all of the families contained within those stories. They had trouble, plenty of trouble often of their own making. We watched in horror as they walked into the same old tired traps, rejoiced at the moments of happiness, and shook our heads at their madness. And, I don't know if we were glad it was them and not us, or if we quietly understood that we all have troubles. But watching them now, even though they are not the same ones my mom watched (they were cancelled! the horror!), there is some connection to that innocent past -- where terrible things only happened on tv to people who were only characters. And for the most part, those characters survived the horrible troubles ... and even when they were dead, they were never really dead. Characters could come back, sometimes in the body of a changed actor, or as ghosts who could have real interactions with the other characters.
The magic of television does not exist in this world outside the television, but it does offer a space where I can at least remember that uneasy peace.
Sometimes there is not enough comfort, like bubble wrap, to contain the potential for pain. That is what it feels like right now ... but I am stocking up on mac & cheese makings and emergency chocolate and tv shows I can binge watch while I can't sleep.
Wish me luck...
The Daily Affirmations had this to say about comfort (months ago, really, but I just got around to reading it)...I am not sure that demanding of others is really my issue, but I am sure Jennifer has a point.
when we finally learn
that self-care begins
and ends with ourselves,
we no longer demand
sustenance and happiness