Life right now

Last week my dear friend's son was killed in a car accident.  All week, I tried to write.

But the only thing I could do was get a sentence at a time.

This is a record of those pieces that resonated.

It is not a full picture of all that my heart contained.  Truthfully, I have not really begun to process the enormity of the tragedy.  I fill my days with helping my friend plan the memorial [ok, actually I took it all upon myself so that she would never have to say, my son died.  The words tear into you when you have to say them, creating new wounds that might never heal.]  I have only skipped two four-hour work shifts so that I could fit it all into my schedule.

Today, I found myself doing six things at once, not only because there was much to do, but also because I cannot be idle.  Not for a second.  When the openness of not working on something hits, the despair is unbearable. 

My pain is not anywhere on par with that of his parents.  But the despair I feel is like the cold, hard floor of the well long abandoned.  No one will find me here because no one would ever think to look for me here.

I hope for a ray of sunlight before the idleness sets in...

It is appropriately overcast today ... as gloom reigns my head and my heart is broken, again, into a million tiny pieces. [4/27]

Find what you love and then be its magnet. Life is too short to not do/be with what/who you love. [4/27]

God take my soul to that place,Where I can speak without words.
Rumi

My soul is from elsewhere, I'm sure of that, and I intend to end up there.
~ Rumi  [4/28]

Small blessings present themselves even in our darkest hours. [4/29]

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. 

From an Irish headstone [4/29]

The only lasting beauty is the beauty of the heart.   ~ Rumi
Received a message from the friend of a dearly departed this morning. It brought this quote home ... our actions, especially those that came from our heart, are what we leave behind. These footprints in the souls of our friends, and even those we just met briefly, are our legacy. Tread mindfully with love, compassion and acceptance.

If you have become ash ,
Then wait you become a rose again.
And do not remember how often you have become ash
But how often you were reborn in ashes to a new rose.

~ Rumi

If you are insulted, 

if you are accused, 

if they gossip about you, 

 don’t say anything bad. 

Don’t be the one 

who sees the shame, 

be the one 

 who corrects it.

~ Shams Tabrizi