Why is it so hard to write about yourself? Given the number of memoirs (real and imagined) we’ve heard about recently, you wouldn’t think that it is. But writing about yourself as part of an application is like pulling out your own fingernails.
I have been wondering all these months if there is something particular to my situation that makes me so resistant to the writing. Late, very late, last night, as I was trying to finish up some of the graduate school application work, an ex-colleague saw that I was online and IMed me.
She was up late, working on her law school application. We commiserated on how grueling the process is – especially writing about yourself. She needed a favor – she is working on a fellowship application – having to write the two pages that must convince the readers that she is the ONE person whose study should be paid in full. She has four pages that need to be turned into two pages – by Tuesday.
Even though I struggle daily to find the time and energy to work on my applications, I eagerly thought through how I could find the time to read her four pages and offer my suggestions.
She asked about my applications and as I wrote her in chat format what I want to do, it was so clear – and granted she knows me, she doesn’t know me that well; we were really only colleagues for a few weeks. [We both survived working with the crazy lady and so we bonded.] I typed in two sentences and they made sense and I wondered if I had been that clear in my own statement draft.
Maybe what makes writing this kind of document so difficult is what you can’t say. Every time I have approached this kind of writing since I graduated from college, I have struggled with the idea of touting me – though there are accomplishments and accolades to write about, when you only have two page, you must take full credit for everything.
There is no chance to talk about the village that raised you. You are only allowed to talk about the days when you cleared the hurdle by a mile – not the days when you barely made it over, but your foot tipped obstacle and turned it over. The picture you have to present is supposed to be perfect in a way that no one ever is – perfect in its succinct ability to get all these sides into two pages or perfect in that it represents your best self but never has to say how you got to be that self.
Taking credit for how I got to be this me without acknowledging Mrs. Kelly or Mrs. Davis or Ms. Soliz or Ms. Tatum. It doesn’t allow me to explain how much of this me comes from my opposition to Mr. Rexford or Mr. and Mrs. Lundquist or even Mrs. Tingstrom.
So this morning after only three hours of sleep, I woke with the desire to write pages and pages about what I can’t put in my application. Some part of me began (loudly) to argue with this logic – WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS RIGHT NOW. But, that is why I have a blog. To rant about things – to put the thoughts and ideas and problems and complaints that swirl around my head somewhere.
It seemed so clear to me (perhaps it is sleep deficit) – and maybe it would even help me to get some of these ideas pared down into graduate school application acceptable sentences – because you don’t get paragraphs, you get sentences and well chosen words.
You are forewarned, internet. Watch out.
I have been wondering all these months if there is something particular to my situation that makes me so resistant to the writing. Late, very late, last night, as I was trying to finish up some of the graduate school application work, an ex-colleague saw that I was online and IMed me.
She was up late, working on her law school application. We commiserated on how grueling the process is – especially writing about yourself. She needed a favor – she is working on a fellowship application – having to write the two pages that must convince the readers that she is the ONE person whose study should be paid in full. She has four pages that need to be turned into two pages – by Tuesday.
Even though I struggle daily to find the time and energy to work on my applications, I eagerly thought through how I could find the time to read her four pages and offer my suggestions.
She asked about my applications and as I wrote her in chat format what I want to do, it was so clear – and granted she knows me, she doesn’t know me that well; we were really only colleagues for a few weeks. [We both survived working with the crazy lady and so we bonded.] I typed in two sentences and they made sense and I wondered if I had been that clear in my own statement draft.
Maybe what makes writing this kind of document so difficult is what you can’t say. Every time I have approached this kind of writing since I graduated from college, I have struggled with the idea of touting me – though there are accomplishments and accolades to write about, when you only have two page, you must take full credit for everything.
There is no chance to talk about the village that raised you. You are only allowed to talk about the days when you cleared the hurdle by a mile – not the days when you barely made it over, but your foot tipped obstacle and turned it over. The picture you have to present is supposed to be perfect in a way that no one ever is – perfect in its succinct ability to get all these sides into two pages or perfect in that it represents your best self but never has to say how you got to be that self.
Taking credit for how I got to be this me without acknowledging Mrs. Kelly or Mrs. Davis or Ms. Soliz or Ms. Tatum. It doesn’t allow me to explain how much of this me comes from my opposition to Mr. Rexford or Mr. and Mrs. Lundquist or even Mrs. Tingstrom.
So this morning after only three hours of sleep, I woke with the desire to write pages and pages about what I can’t put in my application. Some part of me began (loudly) to argue with this logic – WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS RIGHT NOW. But, that is why I have a blog. To rant about things – to put the thoughts and ideas and problems and complaints that swirl around my head somewhere.
It seemed so clear to me (perhaps it is sleep deficit) – and maybe it would even help me to get some of these ideas pared down into graduate school application acceptable sentences – because you don’t get paragraphs, you get sentences and well chosen words.
You are forewarned, internet. Watch out.
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