What if he NEVER loved me?

Is there any thing more pathetic than that question? [NOTE: I mean pathetic to me and not to anyone else who might ask this question, keep reading, I will explain.]

Well, there may be, or there may not be.

But, it IS the question that haunts you when you are trying to "get over" the relationship.

It is actually a string of questions:

What if he (she) never loved me?
What if no one ever loved me?
What if I am not lovable? (that is, what if there is something wrong with me that makes people not love me?)

It goes from pretty bad (read pathetic) to completely debasing yourself and making self-worth nil.

It was a little too much of a coincidence when my friend told me she had been thinking about this question and her ex. I mean, for a week, I have been carrying around a letter to my brother in which I am hoping to explain to him that he doesn't need to worry about this. Somehow, though the words are right on the tip of my tongue (and obviously on the tips of my fingers), I have been unable to write the letter.

It is a little intrusive to hear these emotions from him when he hasn't said any of them to me. Ok, maybe very intrusive. It is possible that these emotions are just too close to the surface for me, so I hear them everywhere. It is definitely possible that I am the one that needs the letter.

Then again...when my friend voiced this question, out loud, not hinted about it, just asked it... it certainly validated my rumination.

Of course, though I have been puzzling about this question and what the answers might mean, I found it perfectly easy to turn to my friend and tell her, "whether it's true or not, it's irrelevant." And, "we can spend a lot of time obsessing about it, or we can work on the root issue." [Right, because I am so grounded, I can do these thing? PLEASE!]

Not that this isn't good advice; but why would anyone take advice from ME on this issue?? I heard the words coming from my mouth, and I knew I meant those words in the most supportive and positive way possible, yet I was surprised and horrified that I could turn to say that to her when I wasn't following that fabulous advice myself.

So, it wasn't about my ex-husband exactly, but I was thinking that terrible spiral of questions myself, JUST LAST WEEK...and I am not even sure what my final determination was.

I am going to now try to take my own advice: it's irrelevant. The root issue: believing myself not worthy of love, is what I need to work on until it is resolved.