Signs?!

The problem with not listening to my inner voice is that I am always straining to hear/intuit the signs from the universe.

Yeah right!

Okay...I felt overwhelmed and stressed out about the move, job change, life changes. Even though I could hear the inner voice on this issue, I ignored it. The inner voice then conspired with my body to try to get the message across. No sleeping, night terrors and nightmares yelled and screamed that I needed to slow down, listen to my fears and deal with whatever was going on.

The key here is that I am not sure what is going on. Yes, these are all very stressful situations: new job, new city, home owner, potential single parent. But was it just jitters or something deeper?

Not sure. Really not sure.

I can come up with rationalizations for all sides. The bottom line was if you asked me "what do you want?" I would have to answer, "I DON'T KNOW!"

Worse than that, I don't know how to find out.

Usually when I say things like that, people look at me quizzically, one eye-brow creeping up. I don't know if they are thinking: "SHE doesn't know what she wants!?!" or "Everyone knows what they want!" or something else. But, today, I saw a friend I haven't seen in about a year, and he said, "That's not an easy thing to figure out!" Wow...someone who gets my struggle? Or is he just the only one willing to tell me that he feels like that sometimes...that this is a normal struggle?

We talked about what I love about my current job, which will be no more at the end of the month; and we discussed ways to keep the job, but not the situation. It all sounds perfectly reasonable when you are talking about it with reasonable, logical people. I felt like maybe I should be sticking it out because the WORK is so fabulous; but the memories of the craziness are too strong. I really do enjoy the work I am doing now...more than I have ever **ENJOYED** my work since I left the classroom. (More signs?!)

To top all that off the realtor called to let me know that the ONE property that I have liked enough to buy since I started house hunting is not only still on the market, the price has dropped another 10K. It is a great house with a lot of potential just not the greatest neighborhood or schools. And, well, in the wrong city, did I mention that?

More confusion...but I am not going to retreat from my quest to silence the noise and turn the volume up on the inner voice. Tonight, first Monday night class and I got the OK to go for the seven night residential retreat. It's not completely silent, so it should be fine. Hopefully, enlightening. I am trying to look at my finances and figure out if I can afford coaching. Truthfully, I don't know if I can afford (personally and professionally) to not do coaching!

Progress is just around the corner. I can feel it. Then again, maybe it is just learning how to live in the moment and not progress in the moving forward but standing still.