Reflection

[disclaimer:  I did tag it stream of consciousness ... no time for editing, so enjoy.] 

Throughout our lives we come into contact with people -- people who change our lives by small or wide margins, by bumping up against our trajectory or by pushing us hard in one direction or another, by bolstering our resolve, or by putting up hurdles and obstacles -- hazards.

Often we remember the ones that seemed to thwart our progress, not always acknowledging that the change came, perhaps not as intended, but there is still change.

Sometimes we don't take notice either because we resisted or were not clued in to the subtleties of change.

It takes time and reflection.

It takes space.

It takes humility -- something that our society doesn't prize -- to see how our lives are changed, moved, altered, impacted by others. To not feel self-made.

We almost never take the time to tell those people who caused that movement in our trajectory -- to let them know that we heard, were(not) listening, and(but) got it.  Sometimes we remember to angrily recall an uncomfortable impact to the person or to someone who will tell the person.  Too soon, we make a judgement about being wronged -- but rarely do we come back and recognize the "right."

Some professions fall more prey to this syndrome than others -- and teaching is one of them.

As teachers, we blow on the dandelion flower, spreading seeds that may carry for a long distance, eventually plant themselves and grow -- or wither on the hard, cold earth.  Later, it is hard to tell which of those new dandelion flowers came into existence with the help of our blowing.

That's the thing about teaching.  We nudge trajectories -- we don't cause earthquakes with seismic shifts.  And those trajectories are mostly controlled by the individuals we teach, not by our teaching.  We shape and mold and hope for the best -- we try to give shape to the beauty we see trying to edge its way out into the world.

We can only claim having tried to show someone something new ... we cannot ever claim to be the reason someone was successful or whatever adjective better fits this sentence.

And we hope ... we hope that we have fostered more good than bad.  We hope that our words hit the right note, that our admonitions did not wound, that our intention for bettering was noted, albeit subconsciously.

Mostly we remember the failures -- the moments when the look of hurt or frustration is so powerful ...

All the more reason it is so wonderful when a student returns via email or phone or in person to say that he/she remembers and that our work, as teachers, was appreciated.