Last Friday, I was celebrating having finished my portfolio four hours before it was due, when I stopped into my apartment to have lunch.  I turned on the tv thinking I could reward myself with a few minutes of a show before running to the office to print my portfolio and turn it in -- victorious as I moved on to the rest of the to do list.

But when the tv picture came into view, it brought news of a horrifying event.  I sat, stunned, riveted, and heartbroken.  Tears streamed down my face, and I felt like someone had sucker punched me in the stomach.

All loss of life is tragic... it calls us in and makes us wonder at the crime or other tragedy that has caused the loss.  On a good day, we count our blessings.  But mostly we wonder why -- we want a reason.

When the tragic taking of life happens at a school, it always hits too close to home for me.  Just before Columbine, I had a dream about violence in a school where I was.  All I recall now is that surviving teachers and students walked in single file along a long road, worried about being exposed, but having no other way to safety.

And I think of those children with their brave, protective teachers, huddled in corners, closets and bathrooms.  I know the horror and frustration of being the adult not allowed to feel let alone show fear or even turpitude.

I love children ... I just do. I am charmed by them. I marvel at their wit. I love to see their growing wisdom as they test the world and their own place in it.  There is no room in my mind for hurting children in way let alone killing them.  

As the tears streamed down my face, I felt horror and pain and anger and shame.  Why have we not done something as a country to stop this from happening?  Why do we only care when it happens? Why don't we care before?

It's not only about guns.  It's about bullying as a way of life.  It's about not feeling solidarity with our fellow citizens.  It's about letting small issues become so large for others that they feel they have no choices.  It's about not seeing our neighbors, coworkers and strangers through compassionate eyes.  Why do we not see the suffering of others?

Of all the news I heard tonight, I was most impressed by David Brooks' discussion on PBS News Hour.  He repeated much of this on NPR radio coverage, but the TV piece was super impressive.  I recommend listening to how we need to confront the issues underlying the problem.  I am particularly impressed with his encouraging news outlets to not give face time to the perpetrators.  I am sure that he is right about this -- it helps that I already feel this way.

In that vein, here are some articles about those who gave their lives.

I hope that President Obama will lead with the courage of his conviction, and I am ready to support that effort.