redirecting energies...

I am the master of redirecting my four (almost five) year old nephew. My sister appreciates that instead of just being frustrated, I engage him and then distract from one behavior to another.

I keep him busy. Not to say that I am not willing to tell him when he is doing something that he shouldn't do; it's just that we move on from that conversation.

He told me recently that he didn't want me to scold him anymore. I was impressed with his ability to tell me about what was frustrating him; but he needed to know that in order to get the desired response more would be required than merely letting me know.

I told him I was happy to not scold him as long as he stopped doing things he knew he was not supposed to do. He looked at me quizzically, so I asked him if he could tell me anything he knew he shouldn't do.

He gave me a fairly comprehensive list of actions and behaviors that he has been told are not good for him to do. He was not especially pleased that I was not going to just stop scolding him, but he didn't argue for being allowed to do any of the banned behaviors.

Since then it has been easier to tell him when he is doing something I don't like and giving him choices for resolving the issue. Invariably he makes the right choice -- without cajoling. I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that it gives him the power to decide. I don't know if he considers it any less scolding, but I get less dirty looks.Not sure where this one came from today... I guess I have just been giving some consideration to how to redirect my physical energy and emotional energy while I go through this difficult time.

I am holding back from creating a plan B because I have only received one rejection from graduate school, but I am very anxious now about not having a job. Perhaps I have always been anxious, but now it is closer to the surface.

I have this precious "free" time with plenty to do -- but I am having a hard time feeling satisfied with the emotional work I am doing. I want more done, faster. I want to be "better" even though I know that "better" is not a plateau that one reaches.

So, anxious definitely describes my emotional state most accurately -- and when I am anxious, what I want to do most is plan, fix, make it happen.

Sometimes the best thing, though, is to just breathe.

So, maybe I am trying to figure out how to redirect myself to that message every time I start to madly make plans...

Now I will take a late start at a run before getting ready to make a birthday dinner for a friend... plenty to get accomplished in one day, right?