Every morning I resolve that today is the day I will finish all the projects, exercise, WRITE, finish the blog drafts, finish the grad app essay, clean my apartment, etc...
That is to say, I over promise myself... and then some things get done, but clearly not all of them.
At the end of the day, even when I feel somewhat accomplished... I still feel that I failed to get all that I wanted to get done.
Sometimes, the reminder that I need to do certain activities -- like WRITE which is the way that I process -- gets underscored in my sleep. Yes, my sleep.
For the past three days, I have awoken from a nice, deep sleep from the most disturbing dreams. Not nightmares, exactly, but bad dreams. Dreams in which things that I don't want to happen in real life feel painfully close to reality, in which I feel alone and/or betrayed and in which I have to work way too hard to get what I want.
I don't enjoy these dreams. They trouble me... and I don't like the emotions that are displayed in seemingly neon signs in the themes of these dreams.
Balance eludes me... and I need to make just one thing my priority right now ... processing the emotions, whether that be through meditation, long walks, or writing.
Wish me luck, and peace -- seemingly in short supply in my sleeping hours.
Struggling with a Moral Panic Once Again
13 hours ago
Posts
Whoa! I'm going through the EXACT same shit. I don't have time to think straight. I fall asleep thinking of all the shit I have to get done. AND, I keep having horrible dreams. I've woken up crying and really scared twice recently. I thought it was this new pill I'm taking but maybe it's just the stress? Anyway, hope yours gets better. Peace be with you, sister.
ReplyDeleteThanks, X.
ReplyDeleteActually, just confronting the demons in the light of day helped me to feel better.
As I am about to put my head on the pillow...I am hoping that I exorcized enough of them to get some needed rest tonight.