Shadows

I spent the day at a workshop on how to be an adult in relationships... a difficult topic to be sure. Mr. Richo was a very interesting and engaging fellow. He likes to illustrate his points by pulling apart words: looking inside words for their Latin and Greek roots.

(***It is always amusing to me how little English speakers know about their language that they are so mystified and awed by the ability to look inside of words for origins and meanings; I will admit to being just as interested in this process, but it is not surprising to me, rather it is affirming that our languages and cultures are connected by these roots.)

You couldn't really ask for a more beautiful setting...Spirit Rock is like a little peace of heaven. This time around, I didn't get to see Bambi's relatives or really hear the birds' songs... too many people. But sitting and eating lunch on the hill with the sun shining brightly and the wind rustling the grasses made the day nearly perfect.

Mr. Richo, as I said, was both amusing and full of knowledge to share. I feel as though I might have needed the more advanced workshop as most of what he shared I have already come to... perhaps the practical tools he offered to help us walk through the door will make my own practice more useful. But the truly fascinating concept he discussed was the shadows.

I have been playing with the shadows for quite a few years... opening the closet, dumping out the boxes and truly examining these shadows. I have come so far in this practice that I can, even, recognize the utility of the shadows. I see how I have done my best with all the tools in my kit, even when I had to use the shadows to protect myself. It makes it easier to put those tools back in the box when you recognize their power, use and necessity. You know they are there if you need them; you are empowered, then, to hold yourself back from using them unless you really need to...instead of fearing that at any moment your back will be up against the wall and the tools will wield themselves without control.

The shadows that embarrass me the most are selfishness and greed; I feel them most acutely in the notion of scarcity and "getting my due." I am truly embarrassed by these emotions, and more humiliated by the actions that sometimes come about as a result of these feelings. These are the shadows about which I often feel out-of-control, but there are others. My ability to cut down, belittle and put in her/his place so easily with no regard for the aftermath is certainly troublesome, but I feel I control it so much better now. I wouldn't give that shadow back, it has kept me safe and sound and moving forward at times of great darkness in my life.

The startling revelation from Mr. Richo was the "collective shadow" that lives within each of us ... though we may never have exhibited these shadow elements, it is true that they live within us. The aversion and denigration of others, the bias, the anti-semitism, the hate for anything we cannot control and all the actions that ensue from these emotions. Yes, Mr. Hitler as well as Mr. Rumsfeld live in all of us ... waiting to spring to action at any moment. We can only control these shadows, this collective shadow, by acknowledging their reality, their existence and their power.