Tuesday, April 21, 2015


These three letters are my life right now.

Don't ask me how I am ... unless you want to hear me say that.

These are hard days under any circumstances, but worse lately.

I am going to visit my sister's resting place tomorrow -- on the second anniversary of us letting her go. 

My head hurts, and my eyes threaten to get salty (that's what mijo calls it).  Last night I made it until 6pm before I had to take a nap.  The emotional energy it takes me to be upright at present is exhausting.  Exhausting.

I am at my *office* with the headphones on ... as loud as I can stand it... and I can't motivate to do work.  I can barely get this out.

When will it get better?  When will those awful memories of the hospital only be like a scene from a horror movie? Instead, I relive them in excruciating detail ... because the farther away from it we get, the more I remember.  It is a nightmare. 

I guess it is all just part of that "you have to go through it" part of grieving.  The more *able* I am to *handle* it (too many loaded words around here), the more I have to relive? 

These are the days when I wish I weren't *strong* -- if I were just a little pool on the floor, at some point I would evaporate, right? It would be over...

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