Grace

In the tumult of the tragic events that have befallen my family of late, I wondered what have we done to deserve this. 

I know, intellectually, that tragedy can find anyone and that there is no reason to be understood.

I know that many people are grieving sudden and expected losses ... that there are many with heavy hearts.

I know.

But, the pain is so excruciating.  I almost don't know how to feel.

When my brother died, I experienced heartache like I never had.  I felt bereft and empty and alone.

I thought: there can't be anything worse than this.

Perhaps the universe heard my thoughts?

This, this is far worse.

This time, my heart was pulled directly out of my body and crushed.

I don't even know what to feel.  What is worse than bereft, empty and alone?

In the midst of this shock, grief and despair, my friends have been filling the void.

At a time when I thought grace was impossible, here it is.

I have no words for the grief, and I have no words adequate to express the gratitude for the love and support of my friends.

Without you, I truly would be alone.