Safety

I started and didn't finish the entry about courage. Seems like there might be some lacking...

In any case, today I was trying to motivate to leave the house because I wanted to write in my journal and then I realized I wanted to write because I wanted to cry ... Long story not short - this was the real reason for having to leave the house.

The thing is, I can only really cry in public. I would like to understand why I feel safe enough to fall apart in public but I cannot feel safe at home to cry.

It's a puzzle.

Feeling safe out in the open but not at home.

But then again having to talk myself out of the house.

This is full of contradiction. It's not messy so much as confused and hidden. It probably isn't complicated at all.