Matching for Afterlife??

For the last few weeks, I have been trying out match.com. I must clarify that I haven't exactly been giving it my all. I did, finally, post a picture and go ahead and try the free three days. But, alas, canceled the subscription last night, a full day before the end of the three days.

I have been considering lo all these days writing about my impressions of this foray into internet dating. I catalogued a few things that irritate me (stretched truth, insincerity, potential social awkwardness of all of us involved) to share, then I happened upon this article about some rural Chinese folk buying dead brides for their dead sons.

It should be pretty clear to you by now that there is not a happy match.com ending to this story. That is not for me, anyway; but according to the article (you must read it, the highlights will not do it justice), these poor souls need their mates in order to achieve success and happiness in the afterlife. And they can achieve it by getting hitched in the grave.

Well, that's not exactly true for both unmarried dead men and women. The men need to be married in order to be complete, but the women actually needed to have birthed a child after married in order to be worthwhile human beings. So, you know, dead brides can't exactly have children, but apparently they can have weddings. And if your parents can't afford a dead bride or are unwilling to grave-rob for you, you can at least get a straw doll of a bride. Not exactly a blow-up doll, but then again, you are going to be able to make good use of it.

Given the obviously weighty importance of getting matched for these folks, it hardly seems important that the match.com-ers are lying about their age, height, income or anything else. In this remote Chinese village, for instance, beg, borrowing and stealing any woman for your son (dead or alive) is far more important than trying to find the "perfect match."

Still, don't these match.com-ers understand that someday they will meet some of these women and that 6'1" they claimed in their profiles will NOT match up to their actual 5'9" statures?? Or do they think that all of us on match are desperate women who are also depth perception challenged??

Don't get me started on the lack of social skills or just mildly socially awkwardness factor. It won't be pretty. And, I am sure you can probably guess my objection to internet dating with regard to these details.

And, um, what's with all the want to find my partner, the woman for me will be my best friend, bullshit. Give me a break. Match.com is CLEARLY hook-up CENTRAL. And these dudes may be willing to date, but this is mostly about not having to work too hard for sex. I don't necessarily have a problem with the concept of a hook-up central, I just don't understand the need to LIE.

Here is what I take from it: you think I am stupid.

Alternatively, I imagine: you think this is what I want to hear. Which leads me to: you have no idea what I want to hear. Or: you have a problem with truth.

I don't want you to get the idea that I am just so cynical it doesn't matter what they put in their profiles. I READ the profiles, cringing all the while, but I do read them. I do believe that there are men out there who are capable of being sincere, honest and interested in developing relationships. I just am not sure that those men are trolling match.com. Maybe they are and I am a cynical bitch who doesn't deserve a date with any of these wholesome men.

Maybe not.