may days

The early May birthdays in my family are now a jumble of happy and sad memories.

We said goodbye to my sister on my dad's 80th birthday.  So, while we celebrate more time with my dad, I know that there is not one of us that doesn't also think of my sister ... and her loss, especially as we look around the table.

Today is another one of those days.  My nephew turned 11 ... and my brother would have been 55.  For my brother's 50th, we had a big double celebration at my uncle's ranch.  We were all together and more than happy -- the two birthday boys were celebrating big.

I am missing my nephew's birthday for the first time since we lost my sister. 

I celebrated with him on Tuesday and will give him more birthday love when I return.

I have to say in some way it is liberating to be far ... and feel sad if I want to because I miss my brother.  In family, there is a need to always be public happy ... or at least not sad ... and it is exhausting.

Happy birthday to two of my favorite guys ...