I have done a crazy thing... crazy, that is, to all the logical thinkers who might say that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. Crazy, to all those people who believe it is important to protect ourselves...to build the wall around our hearts.
To the other folks, crazy was not to do it. Letting go of a dream is a crazy, painful thing.
Finishing this 10/18/2005
Where is the intersection between protection and living life? There is something to be said for careful; you know, don't walk barefoot over broken glass; or, don't walk home from BART after 10 pm.
I learned the hard way with Jake. Now whenever I walk home I have an imaginary, angry conversation with whomever would potentially try to curtail my freedom.
But, careful doesn't work in all situations.
I am dancing around this because I can't believe I only feel safe writing about this in cyber space. Sometimes it is more important to throw caution to the wind than to be careful.
When I started this post several days ago... I was floating on air... sort of, and scared to death. So, crazy or not, I feel I should not lose the faith. I think I should stick it out until I know for sure whether it was crazy or not.
There is a big part of me that is looking for the strength, the courage, to face whatever may come... to dare to be vulnerable to the whims of the fates, even if the three of them can't get together on what they want for me and go back and forth with good and bad, happy and sad, unresolved and uncertain...
Cut and run is an all too familiar reaction when it comes to these issues of crazy vs. careful. What will it take to stick it out? I started it, in any case.
Meds and Greens
2 days ago
Posts
Not quite sure what you are strugggling to stick to...but I will say that exercising just standing there and feeling every bit of crazy and scary emotion is hard and sometimes it feels like your heart will stop any minute but no...one second goes by, you're still there, 2 sec's, 3, 4, 5...and you realize that with each second the thing got easier...or at least you got use to it. (sigh) Good luck sticking to it! You can do it. I know you can.
ReplyDelete