Must Wear Long Socks (white) with Sandals

Oh, the perils of internet dating: everything you see reminds you of what you DON'T want in a partner, and simultaneously, you make headlines out of the most ridiculous observations.

While visiting with old friends and colleagues this week in New Jersey, conversation over drinks turned to dating.

A little back story: there were three of us bar-hopping (yes, you can do that in Princeton now as there is more than ONE bar!) Friday evening. All three of us have been married and divorced. We were all long married; I log in the least amount of years in the relationship at nearly 9. We differ though in that one is remarried (not me) and one is more recently divorced, within the last two years (also not me). None of us, however, has had much experience in the divorced dating scene.

So, I relate my fear and loathing of match.com and internet dating in general. I think it's creepy. I will just admit it. I know, I know, there are many wonderful people who have met through match or some other fine online dating service and now are happily partnered. I am sorry. It still creeps me out. Every once in a while I am cajoled into taking a peek, and have even been on one disastrous date. But, for me, it is just not the thing.

I am disturbed by the utter lack of frankness displayed on these sites. I would much rather that you say plainly that you think you can get more sex with more partners this way. I am sick of reading about wanting to find a friend and soulmate, only to scroll down to the "my date" and notice that this friend/soulmate must be blond, tall and slender.

Then we can talk about how the men on these sites are convinced that their body types, however they may appear in the mirror every morning, are SLENDER or ATHLETIC/TONED. When you can see the gut in the best picture you could find to post, that isn't even ABOUT AVERAGE. I don't want to talk about the height thing. I can't take anymore of it.

My friend was saying how she had started using an internet site that is like a virtual parents without partners. Sounds like good, clean fun, right? I mean, yes, hook-up central for sure, but maybe slightly less creepy. She related good-naturedly that one man she had been emailing/chatting with seemed really nice and she was thinking about meeting up with him for a drink or dinner. Another mutual friend, ex-coworker of mine, had been talking about a man she met on this same site. The more my friend heard, the more she became convinced they were chatting up the same guy. This is where we differ... I was creeped out. What a jerk, I thought to myself: two-timing before they are even actually seeing each other. She was much more level-headed about the situation. Her take was this way they could all three meet up for drinks somewhere. It would be safer to meet this stranger with someone else instead of by herself. They could work out the dating arrangements later depending on who felt there was chemistry.

By the end of the evening, we had given up drinks and bar food for Thomas Sweets. And we laughed as we watched the other folks who had gathered to listen to live music outside the ice cream shop. There is my man right there, my friend asserted.

Which one?

The one with the socks and sandals. I have to remember to post that on my ad, she said. Must wear long socks with sandals. White Socks!