wondering

Under the new regime of zen ... when is it okay to just feel bad?
There has to be a way to activate compassion without alienating myself from feelings because that is hardly being present.

Some days and weeks and months and semesters are harder than others. I don't know why I am feeling it so strongly just now. I feel like someone has tethered me to a couch and is forcing me to watch those tear-jerker coffee commercials of the past.

Being the "toughie" of my family has often served me well. But just now it is making for a very lonely and sad existence. Should I imagine that I will always be able to console myself? Why do I feel guilty about wanting a shoulder to lean on? Is this not a sign to ask for help?

Instead I think to myself that I should acknowledge abundance and be grateful for my bounty. And I do and I am but I am still sad.