Several years ago, my sisters and I devised a plan: get my mother to give up her longing for a big 50th Wedding Anniversary party. We are not opposed to parties and we understand how much my mother loves the idea of being the belle of a ball. Let's be fair. She and my father eloped to Las Vegas back in June of 1958. We have never been able to get either of them to give us an acceptable reason for this choice of nuptials, but I suspect it is because as much as my mother loves the idea of a big party, my father doesn't see the value. Since both my parents are the children of the depression, this kind of argument is hard to beat. But, they chose to elope while my grandmother (mom's mom) was out of the country; and even when they did celebrate their marriage in church two weeks later (the anniversary we celebrate now), it was a very small, private affair.
Understanding all these facts and many others that I don't feel like further enumerating, we still thought that having another faux wedding for them was not the best use of funds. Or the most enjoyable, for them or us. So we set about the task of convincing my mother to give up her secret dream (as she had not asked for a party or announced her determination to give herself a party) of a big, fat Mexican anniversary party. At the time, we were all living through the weekly update about Mrs. Rubio's party.
Mrs. Rubio (with her husband in tow) generally meets my parents and aunt and uncle for breakfast after church on Sundays. [At least she did up to the time that her famous party was about to happen. The falling out between my aunt/uncle and the Rubios that led to them not breakfasting is another story -- and I am not clear on all the facts, so we will leave that to another time.] Each week, Mrs. Rubio would regale my mother and aunt with stories about the party planning: the venue, the band, the food, and, of course, the recuerdos.
With every recounting of Mrs. Rubio party planning, my sisters and I could see our future making recuerdos for my mother's party. Keep in mind that we had just given my mom and dad, each respectively, 70th birthday parties. Each received the proper amount of hype... my dad's party was at our house with his siblings, closest cousins (because otherwise there would be TOO many) and only the friends my mother tolerates. My mom's party had to be in a hired venue with decorations and "catered" food -- on our moderate budget. Of course, there had to be recuerdos, though we settled for table centerpieces that would have to be claimed by only one guest at each table.
It was a lovely birthday party, with budget catering, budget mariachi (local high school group) and budget decorations. Still, it put us all back a fair amount of time and money ... and it lasted a whopping three hours before all of the my parents' contemporaries were too tired to go on. It must be said that my mother could have gone on all night... it was a party, she wasn't tired.
I am guessing that she figured it out, too, because when we suggested that we take a family vacation instead of a big party she didn't refuse right out. She put the condition that all the children would have to commit -- part of the appeal is that we have never taken a family vacation with all of us present. We suggested a cruise to Alaska so that my father could also be cajoled into being excited about the trip -- his first reaction to any such suggestion is to say that he doesn't want to go. I continue to tell my mother that she should always give him this type of news as a declarative statement rather than as a question -- but she wants him to be excited, so the drama continues. In any case, everyone agreed... at least it appeared that way.
I was in charge of researching cruise lines and reporting back to my siblings on prices, itineraries, etc. It would be high season if we were to be there over their anniversary... and, of course, this was non-negotiable. A good friend, and former colleague from my travel agents days, helped us through the process. We found the perfect cruise ... Seattle to Seattle Inner Passage on the Golden Princess -- yes, the LOVE BOAT. Seattle to Seattle was important because it meant lower air fares for those bringing their whole families instead of just themselves. It was a compromise because as retired folks, if we had started or ended in Anchorage, my parents could have actually toured Denali as well, but my mom wanted us all to be there.
So, I will leave most of the drama out of this story, but in the end, the two families opted out and my sister came by herself and my brother chose not to come. But, my cousin Ben did a formidable job as a big brother stand in! I was just telling him that since I am the only one who really gets along with my brother, it's just as well that he chose not to come.
Well, a cruise on the love boat is just what the doctor ordered to make all happy in the group. My father and my brother (the one that actually attended) were thrilled with the venue, as was my brother's girlfriend. Cruising isn't in our blood, my parents were the only ones who had ever cruised before -- in fact, it was a three day cruise we sent them on for their 40th anniversary. I am not sure what we were expecting -- though my younger sister, cousin and I made exercise pacts before we got on the ship knowing that it meant a lot of food.
We didn't realize just how pampered you would feel on the boat -- a godsend for us because my mother might as well have been wearing a golden tiara all week long -- there were so many people making sure that she had everything she wanted, was always happy and satisfied and otherwise feeling like the belle of the ball for SEVEN days in a row. At one point she turned to me and asked if our travel agent had chosen the ship specially for her, the Golden Princess, since it was her 50th? No, but she might as well have.
My younger sister and I also did our best to make sure that my mother was not missing out on any of the trappings for the actual party. My mother booked and paid for her celebration herself before we ever got on the ship, but we made the recuerdos -- as a surprise. My younger sister calls them "cochinadas" -- I call them "tiliches" -- but either way, they are the kind of thing that means a lot to my mom and not that much to most people. We spent a satisfying afternoon at Michaels, chose heart boxes, anchor decorations, gold spray paint, small wooden replicas of a cruise ship, scrap booking pieces, small glass vials, gold ribbon -- just the right one, it took a while to find it -- and penguin and polar bear charms. We spent a late night spray painting (and I say "WE" generously) the boxes and boats, writing on the vials and boxes once dried. Then more time affixing the anchors, attaching ribbons with dangling animal charms. I bought super fancy chocolates for the boxes, and we tried to decide what to put in the little vials. We imagined putting some sea water from one of our cruise stops... but hadn't really made a final decision. 
The answer revealed itself at the end of our hike in Skagway... as were counting our blessings for finding our way back to the trail head, we rested on a bridge over a beautiful creek. My sister looked down into the water and asked my cousin to pick up the sparkly fools gold. My younger sister and I looked at each other and said... that's it!! Let's put these rocks with their sparkly flecks into the vials!! We emptied one of our water bottles and started scooping pebbles. My cousin produced a little ziploc (he has a well stocked backpack) and filled it with our bounty. We floated down the hill, two days ahead of schedule, we would have all the recuerdos finished.
At the celebration dinner, my dad decided he wanted to make a toast, and choked up telling us how surprised and pleased he was that we had all decided to celebrate with them. This was an unexpected gift to all of us. That is exactly the way of my father, he likes to give gifts when he sees something he thinks would be perfect for you. He is thoughtful in that spontaneous in the moment kind of way though he may not acknowledge your birthday for years. It was perfect, just perfect.
This is what the boxes looked like (above you might be able to glimpse the little vials and the gold boat on the table!
All in all, it was the perfect anniversary celebration for all -- my mom was well taken care of, my family engaged and amused, my father happy to have his kids all together.
Photo credit: Anne McQuary for The New York Times
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