I guess I felt that way about The Band all summer long. I was having such a good time watching them, hanging out with them, dancing to their music. I was in love with the "love" that was such a part of the lead singer's (F) persona. Truly, the first time I saw The Band, he introduced his lady (S) as his wife and said that she had changed his life. Well, I don't know whether I believed it at that point, but it was still an important statement -- clearly it made an impression.
If we are going to be really honest, I didn't think he was all that, I was far more interested in the bass player (T) to really care what or who F thought changed his life. But, still, it was sweet. And, in retrospect, I see that he was making a particular statement since women usually love the lead singer. He was stating, clearly and loudly, that he was partnered and that partner was more than just an obligation. She was sweet, too, as I would come to know her more, it was evident. She along with another girlfriend (M) traveled some with the band from gig to gig. Though S was more likely to be missing than the ever present M. Let's just say that M never took to me.
Fast forward to the end of the summer, when I finally got the courage to talk to T. Truthfully, I shouldn't have been talking to him at all, since I already had figured out that he was married. But, I figured he would never be interested in me, so it was just "practice," harmless practice. When he asked me to friend him on fb, I thought he was just promoting the band. I was self-described as a groupie, so what was the harm?
The fascination with The Band was bound up in all of these pieces: great music, interesting characters, local kids make good, fun venues, compelling life stories. And at the time, I didn't even know the half of it. Making "friends" with T opened a different window on The Band. T seemed to think that I was interested in F since I did talk to F with no problems. Why don't guys ever get that? If it's easy to talk to the guy then we probably aren't that interested. F was not about practice he was more about ethnographic observation. But, T's faulty assumption led him to tell me any number of stories about F. These stories were designed to discredit F. But, I just took them as more data points.
I had already heard stories about F's crazy ways from folks who knew him back in high school. I already knew he had a propensity for drink. The night T was telling me stories, F himself had already told me he was not drinking because he was "trying to be good." In that same conversation, F divulged that it was S who didn't want him to drink. He quickly caught himself ... but as far as he could go was that he wanted to be good, for S. I tucked this data into my hopper and thought idly that it was never good when someone stopped drinking for someone else.
A friend who is having her own struggles with drink was with me that night. As I heard F carefully pick out the pieces of his story and rearrange them in front of me, I felt like I had accidentally fallen into the middle of an AA meeting. I worried, though, that this was as close to a meeting that F ever got. Worried because I knew that this was a train wreck I was watching -- previously from far away and just then from a lot closer.
It was a busy night. Just ten or fifteen minutes later, T was telling me stories about F pre-S. He would not show up for a gig, and they would find F outside wasted amongst the bushes. This was a different F. "You gotta understand, there was no S last year." It wasn't only F who believed that S was the one keeping F on the straight and narrow. It wasn't only me who was believing that this was unsustainable. T didn't put it that way exactly. It was just the wistful way he talked about the now as though it wasn't quite as real as that past had been. Here they were, second CD release just behind them, gigs two or three nights a week, and adoring crowds, or at least one very enthusiastic groupie amid some committed fans.
...this is getting super long ... so it will have to be continued, here's a view from the train, you can't see the other one coming down the track just yet...
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