Breakthrough

I couldn't decide between breakthrough and uncorked.

Not really able to divulge the breakthrough... it's still too painful to even repeat to those I trust implicitly (god, I almost can't believe that I can say that I am still able to trust implicitly).

So, uncorked.

For so long that I can't remember how long, I have been unable to cry. At first, I thought if I started crying I wouldn't stop and I couldn't be a puddle on the floor. Each day, each month, each year has brought another minor tragedy. I was facing each as the "toughie" who was taught not to cry.

Facing emotions, then, is remarkably difficult without an outlet. But crying always hurt. The tears felt like fire scorching down my face, cutting into my soul. Crying made me feel small and powerless. Beyond vulnerable.

Something happened. Maybe I finally faced the tragedy I thought I couldn't handle, and it shook the cork loose.

It's scary how emotional I have been... how quickly the tears have flowed this past week. But, there it is. Though still painful, there is a relief now that I associate with crying. I feel the tears well, I sigh deeply, and I give in to the crying.