Slightly Delayed Reaction

I haven't really had time alone to really process all the emotions from graduation... but last week before my family arrived, I had a chance to do a little processing of Raza Graduation. Here it is ... written on 5/10

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I have been somewhat ambivalent about graduation. Partly with the master's paper still struggling to find its final form -- the prospect of *finishing* seemed even more tenuous -- not quite real. But I invited my sister and my friend and then my parents to attend, so I guess I was sort of believing. But not completely ...

I had the Raza Graduation page open in my browser for a week or two or three before I decided to participate. I feel so little connection to any community here -- it was hard for me to commit to being a part or trying to be a part of this one. But, then I did and I struggled to find words I wanted to share with a room of strangers and I picked a professor to honor for having helped me through. And it started to get more real.

I arrived, as asked, at 4 pm, knowing that there would be nothing for me to do. But I met a lovely family -- they were there early, too, to get good (the BEST) seats in the house. They were related to one of the speakers. Their pride was evident in everything they said. I was in their presence for 1 1/2 hours before the ceremony started. I learned all about them. The speaker, Tim, is the youngest. Mom, dad, aunt, siblings traveled from north of Espanola to see him. More cousins were headed to the auditorium; I think they saved around 10 or 12 seats.

Two huge ballrooms with about 500 chairs set up seemed like such a large venue for the event. I struggled to imagine it so full that it was necessary to get there so early. It's not that I don't believe we care about graduations, but I couldn't help but thinking of high school graduation where half of my classmates were missing. Or Chicano graduation at Ptn and all the craziness that surrounded it.

As I talked to Tim's family more graduates arrived -- in their caps and gowns (I'm not buying one) and their families. Before you knew it, the place was brimming with graduates and families and KIDS. When we processed in, I realized that it was packed ... standing room only around the entire space. I had watched the place come together, ushers being trained, decorations finalized, stoles lined up.

Now I was in the first row, the young woman beside me worried we'd be the only ones without gowns...we waited. Still, I could not imagine the tears that would flow or the pride I would feel -- listening to my fellow graduates share intimate stories of struggle and success -- all knowing and acknowledging the part of the web of love and support we were privileged to share not just here but in our families and families of friends.

My heart was growing like the Grinch's... when we started to cross the stage, and I heard my fellow graduates' accomplishments, I cheered as though I had known them all my life, as full of pride as Tim's family had been.

Quickly, it was my turn -- and I stepped on to the stage knowing there was no one in the audience for me ... except other friends graduating, but there was my professor ready to give me my stole, and the provost and the vice president of student affairs and the state senator, with hugs and pins and a rose and congratulations. I don't recall whether there was applause.

On the other end of the stage was the receiving line of professors. Most of them I had never seen before, but they each shook my hand and congratulated me. At first, I will admit, it was strange, but soon I melted into the love and support these strangers offered. Wow... way to feel special. And at the end of the line was my prof again with a big hug and more hearty congratulations.

It took a while to work my way through the crowds, collecting more congratulations from strangers -- that is the community at large, and then I watched and cheered as the rest of the 110 graduates crossed the stage ... sometimes with children in tow, at times with sighs of relief from the sponsoring profs and staff.

It was just beautiful.