still waiting

The grunions are running tonight; and they did yesterday too. With a full moon, you would think it would be the perfect opportunity to get out there and see them. I am not interested in catching or eating them, just want to see them. Grunions figure in the lore of my mother's pregnancy with me, but I have never actually seen them, making them all the more mythical. Then my mother said to me, but it's so foggy out, you probably couldn't see them anyway. And the chance to see them was thus lost in the fog.As you may have noticed, without any argument, those grunions just faded into the background.
Everyone is asking and wondering how I am doing on my visit home. It's a long story, but there is sufficient and significant reason to ask that question. For reasons that I am not quite clear on, this is particularly true this year.However, when asked, all I can say is I am fine... not bad, not good, not great, not wonderful, not terrible, just fine.In fact, today I described it as holding my breath... sort of waiting for the bad thing to happen. I also described it as having low expectations. It is amazing how low expectations can help one to not be disappointed.But, I also said that I wasn't examining my feelings too closely either ... just in case.

What it means, holding my breath, not looking too closely, being fine ... is that I watch TV, I make few plans, I go with the flow, I feel an odd uneasiness that I can't put my finger on, that I have decided not to investigate... and I am not productive either.There has been a lot of sleeping, a lot of computer games, very little running, some walking, outings that meet with the approval of everyone else but that I have very little say in ... it's an interesting existence.There have been no blow ups, no issues, no trouble... so that is a plus.It's not a long term solution, but it works in the short run. It has been highly successful thus far for this five-six day trip.

Photos from my train trip south.