trauma

   "It is one thing to process memories of trauma, but it is an entirely different matter to confront the inner void -- the holes in the soul that result from not having been wanted, not having been seen, and not having been allowed to speak the truth. If your parents' faces never lit up when they looked at you, it's hard to know what it feels like to be loved and cherished. If you come from an incomprehensible world filled with secrecy and fear, it's almost impossible to find the words to express what you have endured. If you grew up unwanted and ignored, it is a major challenge to develop a visceral sense of agency and self-worth."

   [Our] research ... show[s] that people who have felt unwanted as children, and those who did not remember feeling safe with anyone while growing up, did not fully benefit from conventional psychotherapy, presumably because they could not activate old traces of feeling cared for." 

Bessel van der Kolk, MD from The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma

I cannot begin to express how I felt reading words that encapsulated and validated my life experience. It brings tears to my eyes every time I reread it.

I honestly don't know where I go from here, but, even though only in text, feeling seen matters.