CL 3-1 Good Guys Win

So, a couple of days ago, when I should have been writing a paper, I decided to send a message in a bottle.

Let me preface this by saying that I am not inclined to online dating; however, I made this bet with a friend, more of a pact, that we would both have two dates by May 15...the end of the semester. Well, back in January, it seemed like an easy pact to make. Right? How hard could it be, in five months to get two dates?

Well, having not really tried for a while, I didn't anticipate what I would need to do in order to make this happen. First of all, you need to meet people, which is pretty hard to do when all you do is READ.

So, here we are, almost April ... and really there is only one man I would like to date, and I haven't actually met him. Way back in June when I came here to look for an apartment, I took a little rest at the Sbucks. When I got there, I saw a man, probably my age or a little older, who was hotter than hell. I thought, well, I could date that man!

I had to run away to a meeting with a prof; and let's be honest, I wasn't really planning to introduce myself. I mean, I am a chicken shit. I will admit that.

In any case, months have gone by, and I think I might have spied him at a bar sometime back in December, but I wasn't really sure it was him. And in all the times I have been back to Starbucks, nothing.

I thought, well, the issue here isn't necessarily the man of my dreams, right? It's just the dates. I just need TWO dates. All of the same issues remained the same. I decided that I might need help getting the dates. So, I took a look at two sites match(dot)com and ok cupid (ok... I don't want people searching for those two sites and coming here, I already get enough crazy hits for that ridiculous penguin movie). I am not really sure what could possibly creep me out more.

Really, creepy mccreepy. And I got farther this time than any other time I have tried to look ... I winked; I got some winks back, but jeez, creepy.

Then, last week, I went to Sbucks on a Tuesday morning to get my FREE pastry, EARLY and there he was. I looked, but he didn't look, at least not while I was looking. And, honestly, there really wasn't any reason for me to talk to him; not to mention the fact that I had, literally, just rolled out of bed in order to make it in time for the free pastry. So, even if there were a good opportunity, I was not talking to him looking like that.

I returned early on Thursday partly because I was interested in seeing if he would be there, and partly because I needed to get some reading and writing done and for some reason, Sbucks works for me. So, I dressed a little better, washed my hair, and rolled in there EARLY and there he was. This time with two sons.

He seemed to have plans because the three of them left pretty quickly... so, again, no chance to talk to him. But, chicken shit attitude still prevailed more than lack of opportunity.

That night, I got to thinking about wasting opportunities and all, and decided to post something about it on CL in the missed connections section. I truly felt like it would be a message in a bottle. You know the kind that never gets found and therefore whose contents go unread forever.

Ok...if we are very honest, we will see that this was really not that big of a step forward, in terms of not being chicken shit that is; in fact, it might have been a lateral move. But, honestly, it was the only step I could take at that moment, and it was a step.

I went to sleep thinking, this is one step closer to saying HI the next time I see him.

I woke up the next morning with the nicest note from someone encouraging me to go ahead and say hi. Reminding me that there was really nothing to lose. I wrote the encourager back to thank him for taking the time to support me. He even offered that I had a great opening line ... to tell the hot man about seeing him last June.

I was just beginning to feel like it wasn't stalkerish to tell this hot man that I had seen him so long ago ...

Then I got a message from a creepy mccreepy who wondered how I knew that this man wasn't married, with a follow up question about whether or not I cared if he were married.

I figured 1 creepy to 1 nice guy was still a great ratio considering all the creepy shit I have seen all over the internet.

The next day I got another encouraging email and today another.

So, nice guys WIN! 3-1 and none of these guys are hitting on me at all ... just encouraging me to make the effort. I like it when the good guys win!

Wish me luck, I am hoping that this week I might see him again ... it may not turn out the way I would like, but it will still be a victory to take the step.

UPDATE: I got another encouraging email after the three; and then yesterday (4/5) I got one from the guy ... the craziness will be explained at a later date.

Random

Why is it faster to cross the street jay walking on some streets? Oh and this is particularly true the farther you are from the corner.

If regret is such a useless emotion why does it get so much of my energy??

What not to do when you are homesick:
Buy strawberries from grocery store just because they are from your hometown!! Especially if they are on sale. I thought to myself at the checkout stand, I never buy strawberries at the grocery store at home. It should have been a huge red flag waving violently in front if me, alas.

What to do when you are homesick: walk in the wind letting it push you along. Remember those days when you used to lay down in the front yard with your best pal/neighbor-siblings to watch the fast moving clouds roll by while morphing into different shapes. Just like a silent movie!!

Outrage

Updates included

Not exactly the right word because it feels equally angry and sad.

I was already angry when I read the article (blogging in the iPod so I can't attach it right now) this morning. I ranted on fb and set out to get some work done. Not exactly the article I read this morning, but close enough.

Then I picked up the student newspaper to read that a professor and his friend were murdered by the friend's ex-boyfriend. Sad enough -- tragic really as one student remarked, we don't have an excess of Chicano professors to be sacrificing then on the altar of domestic abuse. But really this is just a continuation of the previous outrage.

Why is the safety of women not important? Why are women's lives not valued? Better not to even ask about the value of children's lives because we know the answer to that: they are merely possesions to be done with what you will. Apparently women are too.

I am afraid to embark on the study to compare sentences for men who are violent with women with those who steal cars or other possessions.

And, no, I don't believe in the legality or usefulness of Megan's and other victim-named laws. These are end runs around the issue. We know that sexual predators will attack again and likely increase their brutality and leathality (probably not a word - so blame it on the outrage or the headache or the heart ache - your choice). Yes, we know and we still lightly sentence them and let them out to find more victims.

Jaycee Dugard. There should be no more need for words than her name.

Thank the universe that she somehow survived. And do right by her and all the other victims who no longer have a voice. Use your sentencing powers to do with sexual predators what you have been doing with drug offenders for years.

Just do it. Do the right thing.

They are angry tears, the kind that hurt whether you hold them in or let then flow.

things I am missing just now

fresh fish (sushi, ceviche, sashimi)
sleep
hugs from my friends
time
connection -- deep, knowing, easy


but I will feel better tomorrow...

Geertz and the Valentine!!

It is not often we have an interesting and lively debate in class, so I should not disdain the intense exchange we had yesterday.

Disclaimer: this is a nerdy topic, but I am in graduate school, so this is my primary material (talking to themselves coffee drinkers notwithstanding).

As the title suggests, we were talking about Clifford Geertz. At the end of class our prof suggested that we try to analyze a ritual through Geertzian analysis - Valentine's Day.

Mostly the ritual of celebrating Valentine's Day was described as about showing love, acknowledging people that you care about, and, of course, I added to the mix commercialization and obligation. My suggestions were not greeted with happy smiles. I listened as they objected to Valentine's Day being put down as merely a hallmark-created day to zap you of your money. They expounded on the various non-commercialized ways to celebrate the people you love in your life.

But there were a few little cracks in the argument .... someone brought up the fact that her friends (a couple) secretly wanted to celebrate the day, but were afraid to seem "uncool" if they did. So each, individually, confided in this woman his/her desire to buy this or that ... and she gently encouraged them both to do so since she knew first hand that both were secretly supportive of the event.

Someone suggested that there were women (though I can guess there might be men, too) for whom only certain gifts would be appropriate... IE don't bother if it's not worth at least $100. So the discussion of how the gift was meant to symbolize the amount of love by virtue of its commercial value. Of course, the stars in their eyes continued their steadfast defense of V Day.

Another suggested it wasn't just about couples ... it's "friend day and love day" (dia del amor y la amistad) in Mexico, from where she had just coincidentally returned having celebrated there with her boyfriend and friends. Additionally, she suggested that the fact that her family also sent her valentines was proof this was about love not couples or obligation.

I confessed that I don't mind celebrating it. My suggestion of obligation and commercialization actually stem from the fact that I had had an interesting exchange on facebook with someone I barely know ... it's a little bit of a digression, so you can skip it if you like.

He (Kevin) suggested that setting aside ONE day to celebrate your love was succumbing to commercialization. I read that as a sincere dislike for the onslaught of media trying to convince us all that we have no love in our lives if we aren't going out and buying something expensive and/or shiny for someone. I responded that it was our choice to celebrate in a non-commercial way ... I can't remember the exact words; but I swear that was my intention. He felt a little sting from the comment I made and responded something like Wow or Ouch or something. And a few hours later his female friends agreed with me (I don't know them either) and suggested that he was cheap and implied that he was hiding from commitment and put forth their ideas for appropriate gifts and greetings. A few hours later, he posted a different comment celebrating love and friendship today and EVERYDAY. Again, that was the original point he was trying to make. Honestly, I felt guilty for having opened the flood gates against Kevin since I agree that the commercial nature of the day is overwhelming and unnecessary.

I went so far as to try to find an "original" meaning of St. Valentine's Day -- anything that pointed to a day that was to celebrate love and connection and not buying of goods. I came up empty. I haven't memorized the statistics from wikipedia, but you can check it out. They seemed to uphold Kevin's point. There were no less than five St. Valentine's -- in one case there is a headstone somewhere but it is not clear who is buried there or what his life story is. There are saint stories written about a St. Valentine's but not necessarily the one buried there. There were several early roman Valentine's one that was buried in Ireland, other's relics are buried in churches in Italy. Even the Catholic Church removed St. Valentine's Day from the regular calendar in 1969 since it was such an ambiguous story. The story some know of St. Valentine was actually popularized by Chaucer. In short, the modern Valentine's Day was really started sometime in the middle 1800's in Great Britain, but not really based on any special life story of a loving saintly man. The US ran with it and it is considered a "hallmark holiday" since it isn't really related to anything but commercialization. Ahem.

I shared that I was presenting this view not because I necessarily hold it, but because it does act in the ritual we were analyzing. I also related the research I had done on whether or not it was based on anything else. The lovers were not swayed.

When we were then asked to come up with a purpose for the ritual ... it got messy. According to Geertz, a ritual should smooth over something (I am roughly stating this because to quote Clifford would take too long and then we would also have to untangle his contradictions) ... this was hard for the lovers. Since they refused to see V Day as anything other than the sincere acknowledgement of true love, what could it possibly be smoothing over? Again, I interjected something they did not want to hear. I said perhaps (and this was the tamer version, though, later I did go there) relationships are difficult, and living in close contact with people you care for causes problems and fights and troubles, so it is good to have one day when you put all that aside and affirm your love, despite the difficulties. You would have thought I said love did not exist. But I was amused at the protestations ... I suggested we not talk about Valentine's day at the beginning of it all ... but no, they wanted to talk about it and now they were unwilling to follow through on the academic endeavor which was the point of the conversation. Ah...

I did go there... giving them other less rosy positions. I pointed out that many people just get whatever is advertised on TV (you know that which is supposed to symbolize your unique love yet is mass produced and ugly, by the way). The prof chimed in that she recalled seeing many men lined up with the very same bouquet on the actual day at the grocery store. These hardly seemed like true expressions of deep and abiding love. Then, I went on ... what about if you saw this day as the one day you had to acknowledge, then every other day, you could just do whatever you want ... cheat on your wife, etc. Yeah, that didn't go over well.

Fun was not had by all ... but I was thoroughly entertained.

Mental cacophony

Sitting in the s'bucks for another session of "observing" cafe patrons -- and trying to get reading done.

Note to self... Not a good time for reading linguistics!

Listening to the music, trying to eavesdrop, observe and take notes. Still on page 3.

"Frank" just walked out. If I have been in enough to know who the regulars are (I am making up their names), does that make me a regular too!?

So now I know "Frank's" real name. Sort of anticlimactic. I got no reading done, but two pages of observations!!

Location:Central Ave SE,Albuquerque,United States

Listening and hearing

I said the study of gangs and narcotrafficking. She heard study of crime.

I think there may be criminal enterprise, but I was more interested in it as a culture.

Do they bond on the economic unit or do they develop economic strategies from the bond?

Though thinking back on it now I am more interested in the meaning assigned to my words without further questioning.

Should I be more careful to be explicit? Is this a problem with my communication style?

12

Some days are easier than others among the 12 year olds ... and today was not one of those.

Trying hard to channel compassion ... when I refer to them as 12, it is to denote the youth, but it also marks their maturity level. Misunderstood, mercurial, quick to anger and bore, lacking in the confidence to know when they aren't being challenged -- so jump to conclusions and pounce before thinking ... and so much more. You remember being 12. It was horrible.

So... the need for compassion. And to remember that I am not 12.

Umm

Yesterday I lost my car. I mean I could not find it.

Just as I was dialling the police to report it stolen, I remembered where it was.

Yeah... been that kind of week and yesterday was only Tuesday, oh, and my birthday.

Recap... Wine fridge delivered, finally!! Credit card fraud alert -- cutting up said cc, btw I told them someone was using my nbr two weeks ago.

Birthday calls, texts, emails, and fb well wishes -- lovingly accepted.

Reading. Trying to figure out how to read without my pencil and post it notes. Who knew they were such a crutch???

Red velvet cupcake and tea, lots and lots of tea.

H1N1shot -- you gotta do what you gotta do.

More reading, see above. Some plotting.

Yoga - gym - making new friends - catching up with old friends. Forgetting to certify! Yikes.

Wine and great company at a new bar (new to me, that is).

All in all pretty good birthday, except the car thing. It is home now, safe and sound!

Location:Historic U.S. 66,Albuquerque,United States

Unmaking Remaking Redemption and Loss

I have been watching (through my fingers and with breath held) as a friend as undertaken to remake her relationship with her somewhat estranged family.

She found, as all of those of us mildly estranged from our families do, that in order to fit back in as a member in good standing, we must give up on our claims of reparation. That is to say, we cannot hope to be right and regain our position. It is, in fact, an either or. Inside, you will have to pretend or accept the rewritten history where you wronged them, where you walked away petulantly, where you chose selfishly for yourself over the good of the group. There will be no apologies, other than the ones you will offer. Reconciliation is not really the appropriate term, but I struggle to find the right one.

So, she is living the rewritten history and has been welcomed back into the fold. (I can't help but imagine, though, that they keep a watchful, wary eye on her for signs of treason.) She enjoys the lavish motherly concern she was once denied, or should I play along and say that she once denied herself. She enjoys the sibling togetherness and familiarity you cannot always achieve with friends. She endures with little complaint the same indignities she once fled from.

I wonder and I question my judgement of her actions -- is this an accurate account or do I exaggerate because I won't trade righteousness for family warmth. Then again my family never offered that kind of warmth - real or imagined.

Mostly I worry for my beautiful, contradictory, talented, intelligent, indeed precocious - even in her 30's, and vulnerable friend. What happens to your soul when you rewrite history in this way? What redemption do you give up when you don't acknowledge that pain? How great is the loss when you deny yourself the right to be wronged?

Breathe.

Location:Central Ave SE,Albuquerque,United States

Recap - long, moderately interesting

3198 miles later...
So, after several exasperating trips to bureaucratic offices, I was able to register my car and get my nm license. (The hold up was that I needed to present my social security card which I could not find.). I had one more stop - AAA because somehow I had managed to let the membership lapse. That little side trip turned into a long, seemingly neverending ordeal. And what's worse when I went to look for my expired AAA card, I found the ss card. Yup, the one I had to get replaced just days before. Ah well, who thought to look in the car for the ss card? Not me.

Leg one -- albuquerque to las vegas ... Should have been an easy 8 to 9 hour drive. But apparently I don't get easy. So only 80 miles out of ABQ I 40 is shut down in both directions. An hour or so later, it took a long time to just exit the hwy, I am back on the road in the opposite direction. Only one stop, thankfully, to a roundabout detour on a two lane road. It sounded worse than it was, actually, and it took me through some gorgeous country. Made me wish, again, that I had a camera.

Thanks to my sis for guiding me to a starbucks in Flagstaff so I got a little caffeine boost - and gassed up at a safeway and bought a sandwich.

I rolled into town late but got an hour back and was able to join my family at dinner - though I had already eaten so I just had some lovely Malbec. It turns out it was the beginning of my wine tour!

LV - personal Dexter marathon (end of season three and all of season four), Thai lunch, enchilada making, Christmas shopping at the outlets ...and a little work.

Leg two -- las vegas to oxnard with my sister. This actually would require a post for itself, but I am going to keep it to myself; so, I brought David Sedaris and choice This American Life for my sis to hear. She laughed until she decided to nap. Thankfully she knows where all the s'bucks are along this route. Arrived just in time to cook the enchiladas.

Christmas, movie outing with my nephew, quality and quantity time with said nephew, cooking and laundry for my pops, impromptu wine tasting and dinner with my bro and sis-in-law. Sore throat and sleeping, too.

On the road again...
Leg three -- Oxnard to gilroy. Quick and easy drive to friend's new house. Visiting, working, breakfast in bed (how did I score such a wonderful friend?), kid time, lost voice, start of a cold... Did not let it slow me down! Maybe I should have. Wine tour of Gilroy, starting to sense a theme here?

Leg four -- gilroy to Oakland.
Quick and dirty especially since at this point I had lost my voice and yet was trying to make plans to see everyone and it was new year's eve. There were bar visits, dinners, lunches, coffees and, of course, a trip to wine country. Sadly the lost voice became a hacking cough and so no baby visits.

Leg five -- Oakland to Oxnard via the scenic route (read coast hwy from Monterey) with a quick stop in Gilroy. You'll have to check the blog for the word postcards I posted from the road. Gorgeous but long day driving -- ten hours later I pulled in to more laundry for my pops.

Quick side trip to Los Angeles to see Culture Clash with college friend, pick up my mom from her trip to Mexico with my brother's family, and a trip to vinotemp's showroom to pick out a wine fridge. (Still waiting on the delivery.)

A few more days in Oxnard to cook for my parents, hang out with friends and family (read more wine drinking), and resting up for the last two legs. Snuck in a long walk on the beach.

Leg six -- Oxnard to Las Vegas
Just a drop in -- menacing clouds, high winds, finally rain and more wind, rolled in with enough time to do a little work before a family dinner. Last night of cable tv for a while.

Leg seven -- Las Vegas to Albuquerque (home)
None of the forecasted rain or snow anywhere in sight. Long but easy drive through Flagstaff (hour break to charge phone and iPod) and made it into town by 8:30p. I used the car as my phone booth and connected with a bunch of folks. Excellent use of car time!!

Seen from the road between Grants and Albuquerque:

Is it constitutional?

Patriotsquestion911.com

I don't get it either. Glad not to be driving anymore. Finally broke down and bought gas today -- I guess signalling my intention to contemplate drives longer than 10 minutes again.

Location:Historic U.S. 66,Albuquerque,United States

The Devil on P.R.'s bullshit

From Tafari's blog, honestly the best response to the Pat Robertson mess that I have seen -- though I must admit I have been avoiding all mention of that demon's name ... a must read (click the link if you want to see all of Tafari's commentary on the matter -- truly worth reading as well):

Tafari "spotted this very witty note from the devil to Pat Robertson written by Lily Coyle, of Minneapolis on NPR’s website.

'Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it - I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.
Best, Satan'"

My favorite crow

Fall of 2008 I went on a twenty-one day car trip with my parents. You may remember if you were reading the blog then, I am sure I must have mentioned it. All three of us survived, though I will admit that there were several tense moments. The best day, by far, was the day we spent in the petrified forest.

If you haven't visited there, I encourage the road trip. Even if it means several days trapped in a car with your parents -- you know the ones who used to be adults and now act like children.

While driving through, my dad spotted some crows sitting in the shade of a tractor. He told me to give them a treat. I knew we should not feed the animals in a national park. I have read the stories about bear #6531 who became accustomed to human food and then had to be relocated when he couldn't be broken of the habit of pulling of car doors to get to coolers full of chips and beer and leftover pizza if they were lucky.

Surely crows would not suffer this same fate if I just gave them a little dried cranberry from our healthy trail mix!? (healthy snacks is an entire other blog post I cannot attempt just now with my tender feelings still a wreck from these last few days trying to teach my parents healthy eating -- really only refreshing their memories.). Well, those park rangers know of what they speak when it comes to feeding the animals and probably many other topics.

I gave up the cranberry or two, afterall they weren't going to share the one. And they accepted agreeably. Hopping over to pick it up and cocking their heads up in recognition.
Little did I know that they were actually memorizing my car's looks and probably the license plate.

At each subsequent pull out(for that is how one tours the petrified forest) there he would be, waiting for his treat. At one point my mom got a photo of him flying along side our car. [sorry somehow I can't find that one...]

Well we appreciated his earnestness and industrious commitment to us, it was clear we should stop feeding him or risk his having to be relocated --and featured in the next newsletter.

At least it was clear to me. My father was so tickled he wanted to keep on feeding him, though not proffering treats did not dissuade his attentions to us.

As I drove near the petrified forest on my way to California this past December I swore I saw him following me again.

Perhaps he has not forgotten us!! As I approach there again on my way back to Albuquerque I am smiling at all his brethren and wondering how he's doing.

Location:Starbucks, Flagstaff,AZ

sometimes

you just have to rant ... despite my attempts at feeling deep compassion I also feel frustrated and disappointed. Somehow having the strength to do things like insist that my parents eat more healthily for their own good makes me a bad person ...

yeah... there is more, but this is not fun for me or interesting for anyone...

update -- then she had special requests, somewhat predictable, why am I always surprised?

Mondo Beyondo -- for real this time...

1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2009?
(What did you create? What challenges did you face with courage and strength? What promises did you keep to yourself? What brave choices did you make? What are you proud of?)

2. What is there to grieve about 2009?
(What was disappointing? What was scary? What was hard? What can you forgive yourself for?)

3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?

So many things left to do, but not before I can declare 2009 complete. Moving forward; looking back only lovingly as part of the release.

Did you hear me say: "I declare 2009 complete!" I did it.

The final step is to consider your primary focus for the year to come. What is your primary intention or theme for 2009? Is it the year of joy? the year of self-care? the year of partnership? Stand up and say it proud, "2009 is my year of...."

AUTHENTICITY.... there, I said that too. It has taken me quite a long time to get this post finished... but today, I feel confident that this is the right word and the best primary focus I could have for 2010.

Happy New Year!

On the road (postcard #2)

Stopped to eat my sandwich just into San Luis Opisbo county. Decided for the vista spot. Never has a sign been truer!

Elephant seals in every direction. Lazing on the beach, playing in the water, talking (loudly-not sure they have an inside voice) to each other and no one in particular. A walk farther out on the point brought some very large bird, maybe a condor (probably a turkey vulture).

The elephant seals are huge! They float in the water with little waves breaking over them. Sticking their tails or heads of both up from time to time -- and there is clearly six to eight feet between said head and tail. I assume those are the mature bulls. On the shore or just in the water they let the water splash over only stopping to look up if there is a human too close by.

You see a rock sticking out of the water, but then it moves - it is not a rock. Then the head is thrown back and a deep throaty bellow calls out. Or the elephant like snout release air blowing up like a huge balloon and flaring enormous nostrils.

Wish I knew what they were saying!

Ah Wildlife!

Word postcard from the road

The mountains to the left, the ocean to the right. A thin band of fog hugs the coast. The sun is beaming through beautiful clouds.

There is construction on the road, so I am stopped momentarily and I can take in the breathtaking beauty ( and write this).

Vacation so far

In no particular order...
Haircut
Wine tasting (3x in one week)
Mimosas and comadreando
Movies, movies, movies
Christmas date with my nephew
Making special Cole slaw for my pops
Dexter marathon
Ikea adventure
Many cafe breaks sometimes with friends and sometimes alone
Catching up with good friends
Dancing at the gay bar (gay bar)
Catching up on my newspaper reading!!
Nye at the grand tavern

In the not too distant future:
Culture Clash!!
Beach day
2nd Christmas with the family
Wine fridge shopping
Catching up with SoCal friends
Much more driving...

Location:41st St,Oakland,United States

Scene from Cafe Trieste's window

The mailman has a shadow today. Can't tell how he feels about that.

Merry Christmas

oops.... never hit the publish button -- happy belated

I didn't get around to cards, and I started to reflect on the year... and it wasn't looking good. It has been a year full of new beginnings and sad endings. I am sure there are some silver linings I am overlooking right at this moment, but I need a little more time to process them.

I decided that the closest to holiday spirit I can get is to share this with you.

---------------------------------
"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

"VIRGINIA O'HANLON.
"115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
The Editor (Francis Pharcellus Church)
VirginiaOnline

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