Guilty pleasures

I love mayhem.

And by that, I mean those insurance commercials.

I am sorry to say I am not sure which company it is.

One of the ones with state in it?

Anyway, the raccoon mayhem is fantastic. I am going to have to call it my favorite.

Before I was torn between the pink suv driving teenager mayhem and the random wind storm mayhem.



Oh and I am drawn to the jogger ... for many reasons.


Which is your favorite mayhem??

If you haven't seen these, give yourself a few minutes of laughter...Enjoy!

personajes del encanto

It's amazing to me how many characters I see in New Mexico.

Sometimes I feel like this is the place where failed or washed up rockers go to retire. The long, scraggly hair that might have been glorious in their youth (or perhaps never lived up to the Jagger standard).

On other fronts, I also don't think I have ever seen as many tattoos in my life. There have to be other places with as many tattooed people - perhaps tattoos are just more popular now? Or did I just not pay attention before?

Did I ever record here the best roadside sighting here? It was my first drive to Gallup mid-morning. I was on my way to meet with the professor whose classes I would be teaching.

Just far enough outside of city limits to make you wonder what is someone doing way out here... I saw the back of a man walking along the interstate. He was holding something, but I couldn't tell what it was.

As cars approached him, he turned to stick out his thumb trying to snag a ride. Then I realized what he was carrying was a guitar. Not a backpack, but an electric guitar, cord trailing behind him.

I wish I could remember what he was wearing but the guitar is what grabbed my attention.

I started making up the story right then... and this is another one of the enchanting things about NM, there are an infinite amount of topics upon which to use your imagination.

Shallow Hallie

Full disclosure: I never saw Shallow Hal, it features two of my LEAST favorite actors, but I think I understand the basic premise and hope that the title conveys some of what I think I know about the movie.
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I am not sure if this online dating thing is for me... I know I have said it before, and backed that up with how it creeps me out.   And it does creep me out some... and the stalker doesn't help either, but I am not sure if that is accurately capturing what is going on.

I read through all the profiles and find it creepy.  That's true.  What is creepy, you might ask.  Well, the list of wants (unrealistic wants), the fact that men think if they are overweight that their body type is "average" but want height weight proportional women ... let's just examine that one a little more closely ... if you think you are average when your bmi tells you that you are overweight, then how the hell would you know what height weight proportionate looks like in a women?! Exactly ... what they mean is thin... fine, some of them actually say they are looking for thin women.  I move right along when they say that because I don't think of myself as thin ... but that is a whole other story. 

The pictures are clearly not recent... and well there is that magical three inches I believe I mentioned before... but mostly I am creeped out by the fact that I am reading all these profiles, and they are reading all those profiles as if they would tell one something about the person.

I find myself strangely attracted to the super angry and frustrated men ... mostly because I want to laugh at how put upon they feel and also want to shake their hands for writing out that frustration.  But, I don't want to date them...

I guess what I am saying in some oddly inarticulate round about way is that I find online dating to be exactly all the things I don't like about fb ... particularly the way I behave.  It's not that they are the most shallow beings on earth ... it turns out I am Shallow Hallie.  At least I have behaved like what I imagine her to be during my adventures in dating.

I am going to meet one of the cupidites next week but I still won't give him my number ... why should I talk to him on the phone when I am not sure if I will like him?

Yeah... like I said, just call me Shallow Hallie ... and get me near some real live people because I am much more sane and nice in person.

comfort food

Not feeling very well today ... especially the headache that turned into a nightmare that contributed to not finishing all the work that was due today ...

So, I made myself some comfort food... I wish I had the energy to take a picture for you.  You'll just have to imagine it.

I had some roasted veggies (summer squash, carrots and butternut squash) left over and a Trader Joe's whole wheat pizza crust calling my name.  So I made a harvest pizza... I made the sauce with fresh garlic, olive oil, spices and a can of tomato paste. I warmed the roasted veggies by adding them to the sauce. I was a little unconventional due to the cheese holdings: one chopped up string cheese, two portions of light feta and some three cheese lite Mexican blend. 

The sauce made it irresistible, and I just kept eating way past full... but there is plenty left for tomorrow.  I didn't go that crazy.

In fact, I saved you a piece or four ... just come by to pick it up before I get hungry again.

Exhaustion

I am re-learning an appreciation for farm workers. Today was day two (week two) of farm share.

Two years ago when I was doing this, I was napping after my 2 1/2 hours picking veggies. I remember it took me weeks to acclimate to the strenuous activity. Eventually I reached the point where I could continue on with my day after the shift.

This time around I have about an hour between work share and work work. So, no napping. A quick shower and lunch, if I am lucky.

Tonight, I am feeling muscles in my body I forgot I had, and sinking into the exhaustion instead of reading. There is always more to read but my eyelids are drooping.

Om Gem

Me, not fancy digital camera, Uncle Louie's ranch, 2010 sometime??

This is why I love the DailyOms...

When I opened this, looking for inspiration, it was ready with a big internet hug!

Though much of who and what we are changes as we journey through life, our inherent worth remains constant. While the term self-worth is often used interchangeably with self-esteem, the two qualities are inherently different. Self-esteem is the measure of how you feel about yourself at a given moment in time. Your worth, however, is not a product of your intelligence, your talent, your looks, your good works, or how much you have accomplished. Rather it is immeasurable and unchanging manifestation of your eternal and infinite oneness with the universe. It represents the cornerstone of the dual foundations of optimism and self-belief. Your worth cannot be taken from you or damaged by life’s rigors, yet it can easily be forgotten or even actively ignored. By regularly acknowledging your self-worth, you can ensure that you never forget what an important, beloved, and special part of the universe you are. You are born worthy—your worth is intertwined with your very being. Your concept of your own self-worth is thus reinforced by your actions. Each time you endeavor to appreciate yourself, treat yourself kindly, define your personal boundaries, be proactive in seeing that your needs are met, and broaden your horizons, you express your recognition of your innate value. During those periods when you have lost sight of your worth, you will likely feel mired in depression, insecurity, and a lack of confidence. You’ll pursue a counterfeit worth based on judgment rather than the beauty that resides within. When you feel worthy, however, you will accept yourself without hesitation. It is your worth as an individual who is simultaneously interconnected with all living beings that allows you to be happy, confident, and motivated. Because your conception of your worth is not based on the fulfillment of expectations, you’ll see your mistakes and failures as just another part of life’s journey. Human beings are very much like drops of water in an endless ocean. Our worth comes from our role as distinct individuals as well as our role as an integral part of something larger than ourselves. Simply awakening to this concept can help you rediscover the copious and awe-inspiring worth within each and every one of us.

stalker update, updated

 Perhaps she hasn't given up on me ... she showed up again today after several days absence... does that mean the man she cares about is going to call me?  It's too exciting to think about. NOT!

Just kidding... but still fun to imagine what is going on inside her head.
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Magically, one of the men stopped emailing and then the stalker stopped coming by to visit.

Hmmm...

I am still trying to figure out if I am really cut out for this dating thing.

I am infrequently amused and too often pressured by the whole thing.

The cheese guru at TJ's on the other hand ... well, I could date him.

Ooh...

I haven't had a good news round up in a good long while...so I am going to indulge myself.

I know that this is not really what is meant by karma... but, the popular conception of it being a bitch does come to mind when you read this story.

Then there is the "if you can't beat them, join them" refrain for this story.  I do wish Ms. Warren well ... and if she wins, I hope she will keep her morals and her outspokenness.

It is sad how short sighted and stupid some people are ... not to mention entitled and alone in the world.  The beach belongs to everyone in California, and the dunes are homes to beings not something that needs to or should be removed to give you a better view.  And some stupid acts cannot be undone.

The first version of the story only described the enviro-graffiti or enviro-art (depending on your perspective; this one has a picture (see below).  Regardless of how you feel about this art or graffiti, you have to admire the tenacity of the "artists" who apparently had to repel down the damn and STENCIL in the design.  Impressive no matter what you think of the issue.  Then again, I guess you could wonder who has that kind of time on their hands....

Photo by Anthony Plascencia, Ventura County Star

Every year, I swore I was going to participate in Litquake ... but I only made it to one session that included a friend of min and her work.  Though, I ache for a poetry pub crawl.  I am including this story because it was in my fave, the LA Times.  There is always such an LA - SF divide, full of jealousy and rancor.  Truthfully, I was happy to see my favorite newspaper featuring a lovely story about their rival ... I cannot imagine the SF Chronicle doing a nice story on LA! Ha, there is that rivalry coming straight from me.  Oh well, I never said I was above it, just that I like to see it!

Um...I would say I feel bad for NetFlix, but, I DON'T ... ha!  I hope they go down in flames or start to offer good prices again ... this is cable tv all over again. Capitalism at its worst, I say.

Summer of Files, part II

Good old Jimmy was a constant companion as I finished up the packing of Dr. J's office.

I needed someone like JR who often hesitates when faced with having to rescue people, but always does the right thing in the end.  I needed bucking up.

Here's the thing, Dr. J's office needed packing because he's unable to do it himself, and even though I didn't know him personally, going through his papers was painful.  It was a lifetime of work, in well-cared for articles, diligently labeled, manuscripts, field data and work products...  I found myself a number of times on the verge of tears, hating his now ex-wife (I don't know her, how can I have any feelings for her?), wishing people were more compassionate to each other, and sneezing.

Yes, going through boxes and boxes and file cabinets (5 1/2) of dusty papers makes my allergies go crazy.

It didn't drive me to drink... I think only because in the background Jim Rockford was taking beatings and getting tricked and catching the bad guys.  I learned how good Jim is at pulling off a con, just how many friends he has that are just the right kind of people for that kind of job, and how much he loves his father.  Jim made it all ok... of course, for a bit, I switched over to Dirty Sexy Money.  That damn hulu, it is like a candy store and I couldn't resist.

In the end I emptied all the file cabinets, boxed up someone's life and work, repacked it all into the secret closet... except for all those books which I placed carefully back on the shelves in boxes so they can moved more easily.

Jim would be proud.  Dr. J will probably never know.

mmm

I might have to give up my considerable crush and admiration for George Clooney if he keeps dating women who get younger and younger.

Seriously... I have said it before and I will say it again.

The only thing that could make George Clooney hotter is if he would date someone his own age. [Look at that picture, now imagine: HOTTER.  It is possible, I am imagining it right now.]

I am not saying it is easy to find a hot person your age that you want to date and not marry ... I mean, it took me a long, long time to find anyone my age attractive... so, I feel George on that.  But if you try, you can do it.  I believe in you, George.

He can keep to his non-marrying ways.  I am okay with that. 

I am not sure who I would put him with ... I would like it to be that hot 48 year old that you see at the grocery store and think, how the hell?

Of course, if she weren't already involved with someone, I would introduce him to Sade.  Because at 50 she is HOTTER than most 25 year olds.  And that is a fact.  She is not the marrying kind either, so in that way they would be perfect for each other.  Maybe if he were with someone his own age who wasn't the marrying kind then he wouldn't need a flavor of the month (not fair, since he was with the last one a while, but you know what I mean).

my commute, part 2

I still haven't been able to remember to take my camera with me on my commute.  I will try to recreate in words what I saw this morning.

As I drove west, away from where the sun would be rising, the sky was undulating with pink clouds.  All around in the distance, I could see dark spots, and then light shining on some patch of land.  It looked like someone had set up spotlights on certain mesas.  And, the pink clouds seemed like what the aurora borealis would look like.  The pink shimmered, almost as if it could move, sway with that New Mexico wind.

Those clouds framed the entire western landscape.  And then I saw the hint of a rainbow on the left (southern) edge of the mesa.  As I kept driving west, the rainbow grew and stretched from the top of the pink clouds to the horizon.  It was just gorgeous.

About this time, that big orange ball was emerging from the mountains to my back (in the east).  It seemed extra fiery against the dark sky in the east and the pink sky in the west.

Eventually I drove past the pink sky into darkness and clouds heavy with rain.  I think I was chasing the rain, though, because I would get short bursts and then nothing.  Eventually, the sky lightened up, but it was odd to have left the bright pink sky and the orange fire ball for this dark patch of land. 

Just as I was pondering this, I noticed once majestic mesa under a natural spotlight.  The orange, brown and red shining against the green grass growing on the bottom edges.  The landscape seemed to be singing its delight at RAIN.  Then I passed a patch of the native sunflower, reaching up towards the light, also lit by the natural spotlight.  Just gorgeous.

All the tiredness of not sleeping the night before seemed to leave my body as I drank in all the natural beauty.  It may be a long commute, but I swear there cannot be one more beautiful (OK, maybe the coast highway between Carmel and San Luis Obispo ... but I am hoping someday to call part of that commute mine, too).

If I knew where to look up astral happenings, I would try to figure out what was going on.  Actually, I would also need to have about three extra hours in the day, but it's the thought that counts, right?

Adventures in dating

So, I may or may not have disclosed here that I have been dating through an Internet site. (I actually had a coffee date that did not initiate via the computer, but that is a story for another day.). Well, I have.

[It's HARVEST MOON, so I couldn't resist... not really part of the story.]

One day many months ago, probably when I had two or three papers due, I halfheartedly wrote the minimum required on a profile.

There is no picture attached, but I have publicly answers many (read over 300) questions as honestly as possible. So there is some information there about me.

As in non-virtual life, I prefer to choose who I will correspond with. When someone writes to me, I generally write back. However, i don't usually answer the generic "hi." seriously?!

At the moment I am corresponding with four gentlemen, well really three as I haven't answered one that demanded a picture. That is also a whole other story.

The adventure I refer to in the title doesn't really have anything to do with the dudes, well, tangentially, I guess.

Somewhere in the early correspondence with two of them, a woman showed up on the list of people visiting my profile.

I was mildly interested because she is from the same city as these guys and the same age. Other women have dropped by my profile, I don't know how or why, but usually from left field. And I thought nothing of it.

So, I continued not thinking about it until she showed up as a visitor every time I received an email. Being neighborly I paid her profile a visit.

Maybe she is the secret girlfriend these guys aren't claiming. She could be someone's baby momma.  Maybe they are actually looking for a threesome. I did not find any information to confirm any suspicions and so moved on.

Then one of the men asked to move our conversation to regular email. Of course, then my paranoid antennae started trying to triangulate coordinates.

It would seem this woman knows when we communicate not just that I have visited his profile. And maybe he knows she knows.

My head hurt trying to scope out all the angles. But I wasn't troubled enough to break off communication.

Then she started to visit my profile (my boring, no picture, almost empty profile) every day.
Now it is up to at least three times a day - I can't be certain of the number because the site erases the last visit by the same person.

Regardless of the actual number of daily peeks, she is officially a stalker.

I wonder what she thinks she will learn by visiting my profile continuously. Does she imagine there is an intimidation factor? My gut reaction is to send her a message, but stalkers might not need that kind of encouragement. So I resist every time the urge to send her an email arises.

If I ever meet this guy, though, I might ask him if he knows her.

For now I just need to decide if I am giving these guys my number.

Updates I am sure will be forthcoming.

Photo credit: Just for fun... the full moon I swiped from the internet, the other is mine, fancy camera, Yreka, summer 2010

Reflecting

I spent a good part of the last four days avoiding all the reporting of the 9/11 10th anniversary/commemoration (?).

I just couldn't do it.

I heard one piece, a lovely interview with one of the mom's from the Flight 93 Let's Roll group. It was sweet, but I couldn't stop crying.

So, I decided that I didn't need to remember right now.

Maybe, ever.

Then, I awoke on Sunday morning eager to listen to my favorite political shows and a little NPR, but they were not having regular shows.

They were playing live the events from the Pentagon and Ground Zero (I can't believe we gave it a name that requires capitalization).

I listened for a little bit; I didn't cry. I thought of the Aldermans, and wondered where they were. I hoped they were in Haiti helping people rather than in NY crying. [Learn more about the Aldermans -- LOVE personified.]

Then I decided that I needed to commemorate in a different way: with gratitude rather than sorrow.

I was thankful that the two people I knew working in the towers had left for work late that day. One got as far as the stop right before the wtc and was told to get out because the first plane had already hit. I will never be more thankful than for that. The virtues of not always being on time.

I was thankful that my friend did not change her flight from Monday morning to Tuesday morning even though I really did want that one more day with her.

I was thankful that seeing the horrible destruction of life shook me from complacency. I tell anyone if they ask ... It was 9/11 that rescued me from a terrible marriage. I looked around me on 9/12 and realized that it could all be gone in a second. Was this really the way I wanted to be living? Nope... and a few short months later, I was plotting my escape.

Sometimes, we can make lemonade. I am ever so thankful I realized that... I hope you can think of positive impacts from destructive events.

Photo credits: me, fancy camera, one rainy morning in August, outside my apartment, from the porch

More borrowed words

If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn't have opened for anyone else.
Joseph Campbell





Picture from my brother on his vacation this summer.

Holly

For the uninitiated, a little Breakfast at Tiffany's:


Holly keeps coming up in the post, so I thought I should pay her a little respect and put her up.

She is one of my favorite fictional characters... right up there with Brett from Sun Also Rises.

Holly is lovely, vulnerable, insecure, scared, and somehow also self-sufficient.  She is the epitome of perfectly imperfect.

This is my favorite scene, at least the words:


Enjoy.

Not Really a How-to...

... Be Vulnerable.

 I guess this is more of a how it might go ... if you let your guard down...

I struggled to decide which pictures could capture the way I am envisioning (or feeling) vulnerable right now. 

Water rushing over rocks, or pooling in temporary safety.  A precariously perched telephone pole stretching over the cliff, gazing at the ocean.  An impending storm threatening to drench the landscape and tourists.

This is how vulnerable FEELS right now:  fear, excitement, danger, release, frustration, uncertainty, hope, and so much more.  The most important thing is that it FEELS like anything; it means I am there, living right there in vulnerability.

So, how did I get there? How did I achieve vulnerability??  Good question, I am not sure I can accurately recreate the steps.  But this occurs to me:

Open like a tender flower, hopeful for rays of sun, and hummingbirds and honeybees.  Worry about the rain: how hard will it fall?  Will my petals withstand it?  Throw caution to the wind. 

Surrender like those Black Eyed Susans dropping their petals suggestively, opening to whatever may come.

It's scary and uncomfortable and terribly thrilling -- and you can imagine Holly Golightly in the background plotting her retreat. 

But hold steady, ready for the deluge and hoping for a shower of love rather than one of destruction. Is it possible to be ready for either? [Yeah, what does *ready* mean? Showing up, I think... it's less than ready, it's more willing...]

And, maybe, in time, you will learn how to enjoy that crazy jumble of anxiety and excitement for its own sake.

You just might learn to tremble with vulnerability, realizing how very alive you are.

Picture credits:  all but flowers are mine with the fancy camera. I swiped the flower photos ... don't have a lens that can capture those yet.

Borrowing Words

Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility; for it thinks all things lawful for itself, and all things possible.
Thomas A. Kempis

Quote from the Passion Journal
Photo Credit:  me, fancy camera, 2011, from the McDonald's parking lot, Grants, NM.

Sunrise at my Back

I keep meaning to bring my camera with me on my trek to Gallup, but I cannot seem to remember to pick it up.

It might be that with two bags, coffee, breakfast and lunch in my hands, there is no way to pick up one more thing.

I had intended to drive to Gallup on Monday afternoons. But my salary for this teaching gig is so low, I would be spending 20% just on the lodging and travel if I do that every week. So now I am saving that expense for rough weather weeks.

That means I hustle out of bed at 5am and am in the car by 6:20am - before the sun gets out if bed.

As I leave Albuquerque in the east, red lines the mountains as it begins to birth the circle of fire. Before too long, I have to put my sunglasses on to protect my eyes from the glare in the rearview mirror. But it is a glorious sight.

It began to rain today as I crossed the Continental Divide (yes, I cross the Continental Divide on my way to work!). Some clouds hung low, suspended before a gorgeous Mesa. Green grass mixed with the reds and yellows of the landscape letting me know it has been raining here. Above the Mesa, there were darker clouds still full of rain -waiting for their chance to spill.

Two hours and ten minutes is a long commute, but with this kind of view, it is not so onerous.

You'll have yo imagine the scenes.

heavy heart

I have been avoiding writing about this story for months.

My heart breaks over and over again whenever I think about the number of lives ruined ... and the way the "authorities" decided to handle the situation, first in the home, then in the school and then in the courts.

Each time, a person or several persons who were charged with caring, protecting and serving another, in this case children, bungled their responsibilities.

At every turn, adults made very poor, self-serving and irresponsible decisions.

That the jury made the decision to not make a decision seems a fitting, if unsatisfying, end.  I think the juror who remarked that this child should not have been tried as an adult is correct. I said it many years ago ... as did many, many others, including the local LGBTQ group (as well as some statewide and national groups).

This could have (and should have) been the opportunity to learn from our mistakes.  Instead the prosecutors trudged ahead like bulls in a china shop, giving the defense the opportunity to try the victim rather than defend the perpetrator.

The child who committed the crime was never given the opportunity to express remorse, to admit his guilt, to begin important closure that he needs as much as the community does.

I can't even begin to address the dysfunction of the families ... except to say that to lay the blame solely at the steps of the school demonstrates the little sense of responsibility both families had towards their duties as parents, guardians and adults.  That Larry's family now intends to try to cash in from his death, after putting him out instead of trying to understand the very confusing life choices he was forced to make by himself, is beyond disgusting.

Still, I wish the two families could have found a way to understand what happened, so that the King family could feel justice and the rest of us could understand that compassion is more important than vengeance.

I wanted to end this post with something uplifting, and it's StoryCorps day, and when I went to the site, I found that the topic was bullying.  I cringed as I started to read, but then realized that this is just the right story for this posting.

The man in the story tells about being bullied as the new kid and what happened when he brought a toy gun to school to confront the bully.  If only there were a way for Larry and Brandon's story to have ended this way ...

Happy Labor Day weekend .... I hope we will all have a great weekend... I will spend it with my little sister and Sade (and, of course, Lola (the dog), a perfect combination.  Hug your family and friends.


Photo credit: me, fancy camera, train trip between NoCal and SoCal.  I like the juxtaposition of the scorched earth and the sea, hoping it means there is a promise of life after death.  Forgive the reflection from the window... I was just getting used to that camera.  Still am...

free will astrology

This is what Free Will Astrology "predicted" for through tomorrow...

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I watched a Youtube video that showed eight people competing in a weird marathon. They ran 2 miles, ate 12 doughnuts, then ran another 2 miles. I hope you don't try anything remotely similar to that, Aquarius. If you're in the mood for outlandish feats and exotic adventures (which I suspect you might be), I suggest you try something more life-enhancing, like making love for an hour, eating an organic gourmet feast, then making love for another hour. It's a good time for you to be wild, maybe even extreme, about getting the healing you need.

 What I like and appreciate about *free will* astrology is that they are less predictions and more prescriptions.


I would have loved to indulge this suggestion ... looking forward to Mr. Brezsny's prescription for next week.


I have more thoughtful things to post, but not the time to write them... perhaps I will get some free time this weekend to get caught up with my drafts.


Perhaps...