unpacking

I feel like hansel and gretel...trying to follow a trail back after the crows have eaten my markers.

To be as truthful as I can stand to be, I have to admit that more than half the time I am happy to be "lost" as it were... unable to follow the trail.

When I get stuck, it can last for days; eventually, the nightmares start... forcing me to resume the trek, compelling me to walk down one of the paths. That is the worst: not knowing where it will lead.

But, then there is some relief in finding out that it was not as scary as I thought it would be. No monsters met me on the path; they only inhabit the nightmares.

It's really never more than I can handle, but not fun or easy either. As I was telling a friend tonight, I just want a day off. I want ONE day where I don't have to struggle with some inner demon or other.

Just one day ... is that an impossible dream?

When I do make it back down the trail to the end, there is just more work... it's never enough just to unpack... then I have to deal with whatever I find there.

Sometimes, I just want to throw all those unpacked emotions out and start over. If any one knows how to do that, please let me know.