glimmers...

I have been looking for glimmers of hope as the situations and conditions around me continue to feel challenging at best and cruel and brutal at worst.

Let's see, the latest is that I didn't get the job.  I am not going to lie, I was ambivalent about the job.  It offered a kind of stability in terms of money and benefits, but it also felt very much like it could be a terrible idea.

I worried that I would fall back into the workaholic ... caped crusader like without too much effort.

Someday that might be a good idea, but right now it doesn't seem like it.

So, I feel very much like I am back at the starting line without much to show for the last six months, or even year.  It is not as bleak as all that ... I know.  I haven't really tried all the hard to get a job or figure out where to live.  I have been hoping that magically the right job and place would make itself known as I paged through job descriptions and apartment listings.

Now that work will begin in earnest -- the one where I actually make decisions and commitments, even if they are not long term.

In the interim, I find that I have come far enough in this journey not to care about a lot of stuff.  That sounds, and sometimes feels, a little dangerous.  But what it looks like is that might parents say ridiculous things (or do ridiculous things) and rather than engage said actions or pronouncements in a logical way (that can lead to frustration or anger), I laugh at the ridiculous.

I name it in my head - ridiculous.  I see the hilarity.  And I laugh... because there is nothing I can do about it, and if I were looking at it from the outside, I would see the comedy.

So, I stood outside the crazy and laughed at it.

And then I went here:

And while I was there, I planned a sleep over at this hotel for my 50th. Stay tuned...