Millionaire or not...

I little while back, I think because Powerball was having yet another super jackpot, my dad and I were talking about what we would do if we won the lottery.

I used to have it all planned out ... way back when, maybe more than twenty years ago, just about when California got the lottery.  I'd help my siblings go to college (no need now, they did it!), buy my brother a movie studio so he could make his movies/tv shows (alas, he is no longer here to do it), etc...

As my dad told me about his plans, I thought about all the plans I had for those millions and how I hadn't thought about it in a while.

These days, I think about winning the lottery when my computer shows its age.  Buying a new macbook pro will take me winning the lottery.

For some reason, I started thinking about what I wished I were doing ... and what came to my mind is running a scholarship organization.  Perhaps it is because once again my dad and I were talking ... this time about scholarships. 

I started thinking through what it would be like.  How would I choose students? How could I help them beyond just paying for school or making sure that they had other needs met?

Then I read this article. 

What's funny about my lottery musings and my awe at this woman's actions is that she didn't wait til she won the lottery.

She saw a need, devised a plan to help, did what it took to the have the time and money, and then did it.

WOW.

No matter how much money she ever has, she will always be a millionaire because she has helped so many to realize their dreams.

This is my favorite part:

"'People say it's incredible. It's not," Brown said. "No kid wants to grow up to be a bum or in prison or on drugs. When they're young, these kids all want to succeed. All I do is push them a little bit.'"

I think she would agree with me that kids who make it out of difficult situations are not the exception ... they are examples of what could have been for all those kids, or at least most of them.

May she get that charter and continue to do this fantastic work.

NRU mish mash

Another time when I wish I were in NYC -- sorry to have missed out on this trilogy, maybe it will head to this coast someday.

The past eleven months or so, in terms of wine, have been spent dabbling in whites.  I gave in to the corporate wine world (read big box wine store) because they had so many white Burgundy choices. I worked through them in the summer -- but forgot to take really good notes.  Tried a few others, and then got a lovely Rose in the mail from my wine club!  This is the next one I want to try. Just got to figure out how to get my hands on it ... that won't break my bank.

I was enchanted by the title [The Lost Art of the Unsent Angry Letter] and somewhat amused by most of the piece -- though it left me wondering if I should have sent that angry email to the manager of the restaurant that shall not be named *anymore* -- if I should write the email and post it here or just be happy that it turned into a funny story that has made everyone I have told both laugh and commiserate.  Hmmm....

Poetry Thursday from Daily Affirmations

And you would accept the seasons of your heart 

just as you have always accepted that 

seasons that pass over your fields 

and you would watch 

with serenity 

through the winters of your grief. 

~ Kahlil Gibran

NRU education edition

Schools are using meditation -- and teaching children to figure out when they need their own peaceful moments -- and claiming results. I have no doubt it is useful, but the article never gets to the proof of the results.  I wonder if we can read an article about education without finding some claim to results -- and then never have them founded.  It says too much about our lack of introspection about what exactly test results *mean* and what other results might exist and how we might *measure* those.

Yeah, and this article, gives us more to think about in terms of what we think results look like ... it's another piece on Common Core -- but all fluff and no substance, again.  This is how we got parents to think that NCLB based test scores meant something... Don't get me wrong, I love critical thinking. It is, in fact, a fine thing to be teaching.  I am just not sure that the journalist writing this story caught the essence of what critical thinking is.  Or maybe it was the principal and the teacher who were pushing the notion that repeating, or even using correctly, big words means critical thinking.  It is not.  That is hooked on phonics on steroids.  But, bad reporting doesn't mean that some good teaching and learning wasn't actually happening here.

This piece on charter schools and the new mayor of NYC demonstrates the author's understanding of the complexities of the issue of charter schools.  He clearly sees/knows/understands that the issue goes far beyond *education* right into business, politics, wealth disparities, etc.; and he even seems to hint that he understands the exceptionalism mentality that has the mice fighting over the last piece of cheese and calling it social justice.

On *Not Getting Over It*

**The therapist asked me to write about myself.  That didn't quite work out, but this came out.

The thing about grief is that it is always with you, right there below the surface. It is always brewing, always bubbling, waiting to blow like Old Faithful or to percolate up like the La Brea tar pits.

We, the grieving, alternately try to hold it in, push it down, run away, shut it down or give in to it. I don't think we always make these choices willingly or consciously. So our minds are prey for the wandering thought, the triggering utterance or sight, or the simple memory. The thoughts we want to conjure are also prey for the grief - swallowed along with our ability to concentrate - in the black hole of our loss.

I believe when others want us to get over it, they bring both compassion and selfishness. Our grief hurts them because they love us and because it triggers them. For who has not lost someone close? 

I am sure there are all kinds of other issues intertwined - guilt, remorse, fear, insecurity. You name it and grief probably amplifies it.

I am hopeful that with practice, compassion and skillfulness we can come to cope with grief in such a way that it does not control us forever.

I am hopeful that we can learn to confront the moments with the understanding that they will pass. That we will learn that facing the grief doesn't mean falling into the abyss. That someday the memories trigger the flip side of all those issues: innocence, gratitude, safety, confidence, joy and acceptance.

Moon over ABQ from Sandias, October 2013

NRU, attitude edition

It turns out that attitude is everything.  Sometimes I call it perspective.  I think it really does involve the introspection that brings about perspective, but attitude can get you there, too.

So, here are some stories that kicked me in the butt -- it's all about the attitude.

I love this story about a man who suffered a seriously debilitating accident -- and now leads his job's cross fit team.  It is the perfect story to kick off the attitude matters NRU!

For a while now I have been worried that we are destined to labor under the GOP/Fox news black cloud forever ... generations of Americans lost in the cynicism and hate spewed by these lovely resources.  No where seemed more demonstrative of this than the South. Yet there were glimmers of hope -- remember that group of undocumented students who outed themselves in Georgia a while back?  Well, the New York Times thinks this is a mini movement of liberals learning to exercise their voices via demonstrations.  I have a complicated relationship to demonstrations, but I wholeheartedly support these folks finding their voice!

This is a lovely piece about a living tribute to a man who has touched many lives/writers.  Read it, and the role of attitude will become apparent.

For fun, I am including this piece on dark chocolate.  For years, I have been telling folks that I am not eating chocolate but fighting cancer. Turns out I was actually lowering my blood pressure.  I think my dark chocolate intake is going to have to increase now that I know about this benefit!  I think some cocoa in my smoothies will become a new standard.

Quote Thursday

Life shrinks 

or expands 

in proportion to 

one's courage.

 

~Anais Nin

yeah - today

I was in a sb today far from home and I asked an older gentleman for some directions. 

He didn't hear me, didn't understand what I said, or something.  When he realized I was talking to him, I tried again to explain what I wanted to know. 

He never fully understood my question -- but eventually he understood the problem that had prompted my question.

Because he wanted to be helpful but didn't know how to answer my question, he offered to come out to my car and try to help me. 

It was sweet in a very unhelpful way.

As I left, I waved to him, and he offered again to help me.  I told him I would be ok. (And I was.)

As I walked out, the first thought that hit me was, "what a wonderfully sweet man."

And the second thought was, "he's probably a serial killer."

I immediately caught myself in that vortex of fear and cynicism and self doubt -- I felt physically buffeted as I faced those other emotions that made me smear someone (albeit only in my mind) who had been nothing but kind to me.

I tucked it away as I drove home ... and then I read this. 

Andrea's post hit a nerve, so I decided to share this little tidbit on the blog.

Watch the video in Andrea's post, and HOLY COW, try to remember what it was like to be without the fear of what might happen.  I wonder if it is possible to get there again.

slight NRU

Fascinating finds for the paleontologists digging near the creation of the Westside Metro in LA.

Over a week into the search for the missing Malaysian Air flight 370, it is increasingly like an unscripted episode of Lost or a bad Where's Waldo book.  It went this way; no it went that way; it was an accident; it was no accident.  Basically, if there is someone out there that knows anything substantive 1) we would not be able to tell, and 2) they are not telling us the whole story.  But it is the slow motion crash we cannot stop watching (or in my case reading about).

My heart breaks for those families wondering (and hoping) this means that their loved ones are still alive.  Not knowing must one of the most horrible feelings -- and yet as they face the alternative, believing that no news is good news becomes their only ray of hope. 

Need to finish digesting all the other articles still open in my browser before I can decide if I will post anymore.

Quote Thursday

Giving up 

doesn't always mean 

you are weak; 

sometimes it means 

that you are strong enough 

to let go. 

~Author Unknown

NRU education edition

I have been hoarding a few education articles.

I am glad that the papers are still following the debate on the Common Core -- particularly the implementation.

Here's a piece on magnet schools' resurgence in cities. I wonder if the pressure to show achievement and charter schools siphoning off some of the best students can help school districts to find the best in their students regardless of their preconceptions about said students.

Sometimes my uncle asks me to explain this charter school thing - and when I start the complicated answer, he insists ... but aren't they better than public schools?!  It's complicated and there are no real studies to point to charter schools (en masse) being *better* or more successful.  Do they get a lot of press? Absolutely -- and waivers of all sorts.  Small schools were once the darlings of educational reform -- and there was never proof that they were inherently better either -- more expensive, yes, just like charters.  Here is some press on one kind of waiver a small school that has survived -- not necessarily because it is better or more successful and despite that it is more expensive to run.

Wow.... success fees at state run/mostly funded colleges...what's next? Was this is in the Master Plan?  YIKES!

Here is the NY Times view on how the SAT got changed (again).  I am reserving my right to think more on this and write more later.  

NRU heartbreaking and beautiful, sometimes together

I guess I was in a long piece mood ... launching into the NYTimes with an unbridled abandon I haven't really allowed myself since I started graduate school while I was visiting friends in Oakland.  You might ask yourself why I was reading articles online while visiting ... it's just a safe space where I can do all sorts of things.  Here are two gems that are both utterly heartbreaking, but in their own ways also beautiful.  Enjoy.

This is a heartbreaking story about thirty years of abuse for mentally disabled folks.  It is important because, as the reporter points out, many had not heard of this story even though it has been out and in the courts since 2009.  It also fills in a gap in our understanding about the minimum wage debate.  I hope that it makes more than a few folks consider that all of our citizens deserve the rights promised by our legal documents, that our taxes should go to finding better solutions, and that we need to continue supporting and investing in better collaborations between public/private institutions.  One of the things this story debunks is that mentally disabled folks are incapable of competing in the labor force.

In this piece, an obviously loving father details his autistic son's climb out of the seemingly dark whole that autism appears to be from the outside.  It is a long piece, but worth every second you will give to it.  Perhaps if you are not close to someone on the spectrum you may not appreciate all of what is contained here ... but you might find the tenacity of this family and the love compelling anyway.  I have been thinking about picking up books to read about what it is like to be inside for these folks -- to understand better what I can do to relate instead of hoping that they will learn how to relate to us.  But I haven't had the time ... so maybe there are many others who take you inside the way this father/writer did.  For me, it was a revelation to see inside.  It is also an interesting story for all those folks who hate Disney and see it as an evil empire bent on destroying the minds of young children with one princess after another.  Turns out that my mother was right, again.  It is what you make out of something, not the thing itself. 

Quote Thursday, meditation edition

It takes wisdom and strength to surrender to our own helplessness and to accept that we, just like every other human being, have limitations. The gifts of surrender are numerous. We discover humility, gratitude, and a deepening understanding of the human experience that enables us to be that much more compassionate and surrendered in the world. 

 From Daily Om Relying On Others

The "mountains" in the distance are the Channel Islands.

NRU more mish mash

I wish I could do a whole entry on happy stories or silver linings, but I was having a hard time finding the silve on this story.  It is good that the story is out ... but the story itself is awful. For all those who think that there is not problem with calling people illegal, this is a cautionary tale for you.  For all those folks that spout out of one side of their mouth about how much they love their country and out of the other side hate about immigrants... this is what that hate begets.  It ain't democracy or anything you will find in the bill of rights or the constitution.  Hate only brings death and destruction, so thanks.

This was an odd but intriguing story about helping a friend prepare for his time in prison.  This is what I still love about the LA Times... where else would you find this story?

You don't have to quit your job in order to help people, even though the woman in this story did eventually.  The best part of this story is that it started because she had a talent she wanted to share.  That she ended up as helper, mentor, conduit to services was just a lovely by product.  We all have talents to share. 

I am sorry to say that the SF Chronicle has had great material lately and still can't write a truly compelling story.  Here's an example. 

NRU - more mish mash

As I sit and read books based on qualitative/historical studies, I reflect on how easy it is to note how data is presented through the filter of the author's interpretation.  Then I read this article on older dads and biological/behavioral disorders in their offspring.  Ostensibly this is a quantitative/scientific study claiming that older sperm, like older eggs, has the potential (and according to this article, substantial potential) to create progeny that have autism, ADHD and bipolar disorder.  I was struck by the final piece:

"Although the authors of the study acknowledge their findings do not establish a causal link between a father's age and a child's emotional and academic vulnerability, they conclude that their findings are consistent with the hypothesis that more frequent mutations in the sperm of older men is "causally related" to their childrens' higher risk of poor outcomes."

Turns out quantitative/scientific studies are interpretations as well.

Seems as though Arizona's governor may have learned her lesson when it comes to setting her state up to lose a lot of revenue.  She vetoed the gay hate/religious freedom bill.  So no law in AZ that says you can decide what to do with your business based on your hate.  As Jon Stewart said, I am glad she vetoed it, but it would be better if they could figure out that there is more at stake than revenue.

I truly enjoyed this piece on folks chasing a higher minimum wage across state lines.  I think it does an excellent job of exposing the fallacies being discussed by talking heads that haven't earned anything close to minimum wage since they were teenagers.  There is much to be said for getting closer to the actual issue before making pronouncements about it.

When academia seems to be the pit of snakes I tried to avoid for so many years, I wonder if I could get a job like this.  It sounds like fun!

I am not sure what peace in gentrification looks like but I wonder if this might be the start of detente.  Or there are some folks who might feel like it is just Novocaine.

Quote Thursday ... late edition

He that conceals 

his grief 

finds no remedy for it.

 ~ Turkish Proverb

View from my sister's resting place.

Courtesy of Daily Affirmations

In a not-so-subtle hint, the grief counselor gave me a *handout* on feelings on Tuesday.  I am to try to figure out how to put into words my feelings of grief... not my observations of my grief or others' feelings... my feelings.  

NRU mish mash

There just might be something for everyone in this news round up.

These are tagged for idealism:
I am not sure I understand how these folks are going to work it out financially -- but I admire the motivation they describe for *giving away* their restaurant.  In a world where many children are not going into the family business if it is in the farming or service sector, I guess this is as good a solution for solidifying your legacy as any other.  I don't have time to read all the press on this -- maybe these other articles explain how the Snyder's think this work out for them financially.

Also, I was interested in the fact that no one mentioned one of my favorite movies *ever*: The Spitfire Grill.  It is all about passing a restaurant down ... with a contest.  So, though I applaud the sentiment and motivation, it is not as novel as the article might make it out to be.  Perhaps the author of the article is 12.  It happens.

I love this story about a philanthropist in Washington DC... the best part is the "mother standard" - you have to read to the end to get it.  I wish all people would feel the need to give something ... even a little. And thank you, sir, for the pandas at the Zoo! I love that place.

Much has been said about the progressive perspective of the new pope, and I have *demurely* disagreed.  Laugh now because you know I have never demurely done anything.  Actually, I have just said that I think we need to see what comes with the pretty phrases.  Something, by the way, I said we should do with Obama as well. 

The power is always in the action... and if the action is aimed at power, then we can start to talk about progressiveness, change, etc.  And, today's we have news about the new cardinals and the decision-making policies he wants to bring back to the Vatican. 

"He does not want to make changes by himself, like a monarch," Polti said. "He wants to create an atmosphere like in Vatican Council Two where the bishops discuss and then together in a common way they take their decision."

That, my friends, is change I can believe in.  I was especially taken with his admonition to the new cardinals that this was not a gift or award being bestowed, but a commitment, a larger responsibility to his flock.  Now I will be praying that 1) haters like this stay to the margins and 2) those whose power is being threatened do not conspire to get rid of Francis.

These are tagged for perspective:
This story gets more and more complicated (some might argue nuanced) as the "facts" of the case trickle out.  That is to say, as the legal machine marches forward, and these stories replace the emotional pieces on the loss of the deceased, it becomes less straight-forward.  Thus, perspective gives shape and adds layers.  It is no less a devastating and senseless loss of a vibrant young woman ... but in the rush to outrage, the lives of two other potentially just as vibrant young women were dangled for retribution.  As I follow this story, I am interested in how the prosecutor adds in charges ... less than murder.  It seems like it is one way, we don't often see or understand, that the scales try to balance justice with vengeance.

I am reading a crazy book about "forced sacrifice" and I wonder how it applies to the legal system -- frenzy turns people who did stupid things into murderers or murderers into justified homicidal crazies.  Ah ... the need for perspective and balance is so quickly displaced by righteous outrage on all sides.  I am no less guilty of thinking about these cases from only one side -- but it is not often we are provided enough information to calculate balance into our own reasoning.

So, this one should probably be in the education round up, but I was more interested in how they explained the way people approach "sliding scale" (here called indexed tuition) -- that is how it opened the field to so many more than "financial aid" did.  I guess pride, powerful motivator to do better/well, can also be what holds people back.  Glad these schools have figured out strategies for leveling the field a little.

This is also lemon/lemonade material:
I was tickled to see that folks at LAX realized they could solve their invasive plant species problem by helping the folks at LA Zoo feed some giraffes.  Sometimes, people do think outside of the box -- and work together!!

This one is tagged for outrage:
I heard the story on NPR first thing (but I can't find the audio, so here's the AP piece via NYTimes) and then got around to this article.  I am still in awe of the fact that someone has to explain why legislating hate might not be the right thing -- or constitutional.  Although as the piece accurately points out, it wouldn't be the first time folks in our country used laws to institutionalize hate/marginalization/discrimination. 

I guess these legislators (and those in the other states who also want this kind of law) just enjoy being the butt of Jon Stewart jokes.  If you can claim you are defending one group's right to discriminate against another group, it is not clear what you think is *right* or what you learned in church.

I am also left wondering if any other bible proscriptions matter to the legislators... you know like, will they not serve adulterers, murderers or those who do not honor their fathers -- or who take the Lord's name in vain?  Imagine if all the people who said OMG or Jesus Christ! out of turn couldn't buy any cookies at the bakery.  What if you accidentally sold a cake to a couple of homosexuals and then found out about it later... would you go to hell? Could you sue those folks for defrauding you?! Yeah ... it is that ridiculous. Ridiculous. I suggest those supposedly god-loving/fearing/obeying folks take their indignant rage down to a homeless shelter and give out some baked goods.

Just one more thing (remember I did tag this one OUTRAGE), what gives haters the right to call their hate in the name of the Lord?  What if the rest of us Christians (and Muslims, Buddhists, etc...) called our legislators and told them to stop calling out GOD when they were hating?  Wouldn't the law need to support my freedom of religion, too? Remember that one other rule Jesus handed out before he gave his life for your sins: do unto others... yeah, just like that.

oops -- quote Thursday -- a little late

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him.


~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

[Photos courtesy of my mom -- through the window... of course.  Completely unrelated except that I am trying to appreciate all the bright spots about being home -- and this gorgeousness is definitely a BRIGHT spot.]

on breaking the internet and setting boundaries

I took the weekend off from parent minding and went with a friend to visit my sister in Las Vegas.  On our extraordinarily long drive, thank you SoCal traffic!, we traded war wounds.  We are both adult children living with our parents.  He does not have as his purpose trying to maneuver his mom into a different lifestyle as I do.  But, apparently, that does not give one immunity to crazy shenanigans.

After I told him about being given the night off from making dinner -- though not invited out with my parents -- he said to me, "Well at least you didn't break the internet!"

We both can do much of our work from home - a concept that is foreign to our parents.  This seems to be the cause of much angst -- on his side, his mother worries that he is taxing the internet by using it too much.  Good thing she doesn't know how much I stream through my lil computer.

Recently, his mom had been dusting and inadvertently knocked the cord connecting the modem either to the cable/dsl or the power cord.  Consequently, she figured that it was my friend's use of the internet that had caused it to stop working.  She went to him and said, "You broke the internet!"

He investigated and found the cord unplugged.

She was unconvinced that she had been at fault.

In my case, I would have gotten a phone call about the internet being broken -- usually when I am over 1000 miles from home.  So, finding the unplugged cord would have taken more work than just looking at the modem.

In fact, almost every evening, I have to convince my mom that she can open her fb account to see the photos my brother has posted.  We walk through the steps; she insists that she did just these steps; and then it works! Voila! All I have to do is stand next to her and the internet works!

The therapist and I are working on the boundaries -- but, let's be honest. I am really the one that has to do the work.  I know what to do, but often, I fail. 

I put all the other needs, which appear to be piling by the millions, in front of mine.  And at the end of the night, my work is not done and I feel like a failure.

And I wonder, for the millionth time, why did I move home? 

But then, I get reminded why it is also a blessing to be nearer.

I get to spend Tuesday afternoons with my nephew. 

Any time with the mijo is good time.

I can make dates with my niece to make cupcakes and brownies -- and watch movies - and be told, "I need some alone time."

And I could go with my uncle to his doctor's appointment -- and get the necessary information that might or not might not get communicated otherwise.  I get the peace of mind of knowing that I can have a little more time with him -- even when he is infuriating, he's my uncle, my godfather, and an important part of my life. 

It tinges the Mexican Archie Bunker moments with a little gold glitter -- we won't have him forever. 

I can't fix anything.

I have to keep reminding myself.

But, if it makes my aunt and uncle feel a little safer to know I am a phone call away -- then I guess it is worth incurring my parents' wrath when I try to throw some things out. 

Thank goodness for the reminders because sometimes I really do forget why this was a good (and necessary) idea.

NRU delayed valentine

Just read this piece about the kindness of a trash truck driver.  I am guessing that trash truck drivers don't generally have fan clubs -- but this kid was definitely Manuel's number one fan.  Turns out Manuel was noticing the kid, too. 

It goes to show you just how important it is to notice, even the small details.