the playlist

The thing about the playlist is that all the songs there are the ones you put there.

Some people may update those songs regularly. 

I don't know if I am just not that person, if I don't have time, or if I don't care...

But I have this little ipod shuffle, the one my friends replaced after the one my cousin gave me was stolen off my sweater as I walked home from the BART.

And the computer that had that playlist music on it died (several times) a while ago.  I still cart its dead, ok just virus infected, body around with me because the playlist is on there. Yes, there are photos and other things that I *might* wish I had with me.  But the big thing is the playlist.

It was my first playlist, she thinks wistfully, as if it were like a first love.

It has so many of my favorites on it ... the first thirty minutes or so are my running songs. I carefully honed them while training for half marathons -- starting out with my upbeat walking/warm up songs to my slowing down/cool down songs and everything in between.

It has my favorite Whitney Houston, Luther Vandross, Eagles, Bonnie Raitt, Tears for Fears, and SADE (though there are newer favorites not there) and my favorite Los Lobos album (actually the only one of theirs that I like at all). 

It has the Etta James songs that Claudia put on a CD for me -- don't know where that CD is, so ostensibly that is the reason why I won't update this ipod anywhere else.

It reminds me of every place I have ever lived, and all the people I have ever loved.  IT brings me to my knees with the songs of my fifteenth year -- and the pain of that time -- and elicits every kind of passion I have ever felt, for person, place or thing.

It is the playlist that calms me down, revs me up, keeps me moving, helps me settle down, and brings me to tears.  

In the old days, I used to skip around ... but it is always on loop now.  I imagine that it is because there are some old This American Life, Radio Lab and Selected Shorts at the end.  But it is really because it is in the order I honed over time. 

And every time I listen to the songs, I am surprised at how much it affects me emotionally ... and then I remember it's *my* playlist.

p/s I am so off track on my Thursday poetry and quotes, I apologize ... I am thinking about it but not doing anything about it... hoping to be back on track by next week.