buoyancy

Several (gosh more than 7) weeks ago, I followed my heart.  Maybe I didn't do it in the most elegant way.  Perhaps someday I will learn how to make declarations without being drunk.  Maybe not.

I was honest... open, vulnerable.  *More* would fit perfectly before all of those words, too.  I would ask you to picture it, but I am not sure that is a good idea.

For these seven weeks, whenever I had the emotional strength, I have relished the victory of saying how I feel rather than hiding it.

Most days have been a roller coaster: one minute up and the next diving into despair.

Some days, especially the really busy ones, have been blessed with feeling proud, unprotected yet secure, present, open to impermanence, powerful, susceptible, and perfect in my imperfection.

I have swayed, bent and sometimes doubled with the pain of uncertainty.  I have intellectualized, considered, fretted, breathed, and sought advice.

I have used the hardest feelings as a way to find clarity.  I have felt most of what swirled around me (I am so very imperfect that I have also hidden from some of those feelings, to no avail).

But mostly, I lived. 

Uncertainty reigns, but so does buoyancy and the world keeps on spinning...

Photo credit: me, fancy camera, on the road to McCarty, NM. I don't know the name of the church. This picture looks better really big.  Second photo is from the train adventures last summer.  I think this one is pretty close to Santa Barbara, but I am not sure.