allies

I waver between the notion that I should only ever rely on myself -- you know to avoid even the opportunity for disappointment, and that desire to be so open that even the person crossing my path can be my ally.

Really the most challenging falls somewhere in the middle ... trusting that those that you know, know you well enough to be your allies when you need them.

I do mean to say that there are only some times when you need your allies ... hopefully there are other many times when you are available for someone who needs you. Achieving that balance with a variety of people is what challenges me most.

Despite the fact that I feel all too often like I want to crawl into a cave and stay there alone ... I have had several conversations with people this week when I advocated for exactly the opposite.

There were times when I reached out and asked for that help, too.

I admit to having no answers, to getting it wrong more often than I get it right...

photo credits: still that last train trip from Oakland to Oxnard last July.