seeing spirits

I am taking a class in curanderismo (actually tomorrow is the last day of ten intense nearly 5 hour sessions) -- that is traditional Mexican healing, and in the past few days there has been quite a bit of discussion about spirits, personal (tonal, according to my teachers) and those of our ancestors and guides. These are not strange subjects to me. I am fairly clear about at least three of my guides, though I suspect there is a fourth known guide.

Two of them are my grandmothers. I feel their presence not as often as I would like to, but I know that they are always there. The third is a friend from junior high who died when we were seniors. I am quite sure that Jaime has many souls to watch over, so I am grateful to be counted among them. The fourth is my cousin who died suddenly about nine year ago. Again, I imagine he is busy watching over his children and wife, but I know that he often looks in on me and I imagine he also looks in on my other cousins.

Seeing and feeling these spirits does not bother me, but when I opened fb the other day and saw Jaime's face staring at me, I was startled. You see, Jaime died nearly 24 years ago. I noticed that he was "friends" with several of my fb friends and others that I remember from junior high. How could this be? I have one other fb friend who has passed to the other side; but he and I were fb friends (and of course friends in real life) before he died. When I recovered, I realized that there must be a good explanation so I added my dead friend and dug around his page.

It turns out that his younger brother, who must have been at high school with me as well, had decided to put up the page as a tribute to his brother. It is a way to share and collect memories. And a way, over twenty years later, to make sure that Jaime's spirit lives on.

When I got the email that Jaime had accepted my friendship and sent me a message, I was filled with bittersweet feelings. Jaime was someone I had a crush on ... though nothing but friendship ever came of it. He was one of those rare junior high boys who took great care with people's feelings. I will always remember his cocky little smile that often broke into laughter ... not able even to convince himself that he was a tough guy. When he died, he was going through a very rough patch in his life and only 17. As a result of his death, more than any other person who has died so young, I have always wanted to own a protective bubble you could throw over certain teenage boys for a few years. You know from their soul that they will figure it all out, but they may not survive in order to do the figuring.

There are some other circumstances, too painful to write here, that cause me to feel especially close to Jaime and perhaps why he takes the time to check in on me. We share a connection I am glad has only been strengthened since his death. I visit with him whenever I am home ... though it has been over a year now since that beautiful face smiled at me from his headstone. Well, that has something to do with why I needed to be his fb friend, too, even though, obviously, he's not there. I wrote Jaime's brother and told him about visiting the grave. He wrote back thanking me for never forgetting him and for continuing to be his friend.

Jaime was one of the sweetest people I have ever known, so this is not an arduous task, it is a pleasure to hold him in my heart.