Behind the Wall

It can get very lonely here behind the wall.

I have spent so much of my life in pursuit of self-sufficiency, I don't know if it possible to learn to need again.

That is to say to learn how to give in to the vulnerability of needing.

The tears and pain and anguish of loss and loneliness have been welling, but all I can feel is the tension of holding it all back. I know just how destructive that is. But what if I let go and then I can't get back my composure?

Ok, the real question is... What I let go and there is no one to catch me?

I desperately need a hug but I have convinced myself that I don't know anyone here well enough to ask them for what I need.

If I were home, would I be willing to need or would the need be less intense because we would all be grieving together.

When you lose someone, even when you haven't seen them in a long time, the need to have a connection is overwhelming.

I know my friends and family are sending me all the virtual hugs and love they can muster, but there are times when this virtual world is just not enough.