Motivation. Discipline. Progress.

I made it to the gym today, just barely. I need only two more miles this week to make all my training miles for the week (only 12 this week, but still). Just as soon as I get to that milestone, I have to start counting (or counting down) the new week's miles. I can report to date, I have not missed one mile of training... that means three or four runs per week for the last six weeks (not counting the running I did to get ready for training). It should feel great, what an accomplishment...


I want to run because it makes me feel great. I want the runner's high. I don't want to have to drag my ass to the gym for those last few miles... I am tired of having to talk myself into getting out there in the fabulous fresh air to do that long run. Alas... I don't run because it's good for me (sometimes I am not sure it is), or because it is fun; I certainly don't run because I am anticipating that rush of endorphins. I run because I have made a commitment to run the next race. I commit to the race because without that goal, I won't train. I won't get out there and run for the fun of it, see above.


I need a goal. I need to be motivated into discipline because I am accomplishing a goal or a step towards a goal. There shouldn't be anything wrong with that. I hate that I need the carrot and the stick. It makes me feel like a lazy sloth. At my age I guess I can't expect to develop new habits. While running a six miler this week, I was talking about my lack of discipline with a friend who I consider the most determined person I know. In the talking it through, while running a 12 minute mile -- imagine how hard it was to keep that conversation going, I realized that I am disciplined. Duh. I know. But it is just that in my head there is so much more I could do if I would just be disciplined 24 hours a day. Um... setting practical expectations is clearly not my strong suit.

I did, however, officially sign up for the half-marathon in Shiprock today. Pressing pay on the registration page may only mean that I spent 43 odd dollars, but it is the psychological push that I needed to get myself to the gym. I hope it will get me out tomorrow to finish those last two miles and maybe do some other training... if the weather will cooperate, then I could do both but not have to be at the gym for two hours...I will let you know how it goes.