Tangles, Knots and Other Life Complications

What does it is take to get the knots to untangle? I feel like this picture... my guts are turned inside out and then wrapped around each other in unnatural ways. I wish I could understand how I could logically and rationally have come to a sound decision for my future yet be so tangled up in the immediate situation that I can't seem to move down the road.

It just doesn't make sense to me... if I were still wandering in the darkness, trying to make sense of the situation or struggling with the what the best decision will be, then I would understand the tangle.


I made my decision based on what I think is best for me, past experience and in response to my physical reaction to my current situation. But, I didn't necessarily spend a lot of time thinking about how this situation was created. Actually, I did spend quite a bit of time contemplating my role in the situation getting to this point. But I have shied away from trying to untangle the other people's involvement. Perhaps it is for this reason that the tangles are only partially loosened and rearranged.

The thing is that I need to deal with all of the sides of this issue. Just saying that I am doing the best thing for myself does not release me from the self-blame and self-recrimination. No matter how much I want to believe that I am being truly compassionate with myself, I have to admit that not being able to accomplish the personal goals I set each day reminds me that I am allowing the demons to question, thwart and undermine my resolve.

I don't think all of the kinks need to be worked out --- aha, I admit that perfection is not my ultimate goal. A start. But I want to be able to get to a more orderly arrangement. I want to find peace amid the chaos that is the world outside of me. I want this Celtic knot that will help me to exhibit both the complexity and the peacefulness of my soul.

Is this possible? How do I start to reorder the tangles instead of trying to banish them? I am hoping that writing about it, albeit cryptically and generically, that I have started down that road. I need to believe that this situation has presented itself in order to help me resolve the issue of knots, tangles and other life complications. I need to believe that I have the strength, courage and resilience to make to the other side of this one, too.